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A Means, Not An End

My dear sister,

I think about marriage—a lot. I feel that as a single woman that is simply part of my job description. Think about marriage, dream about marriage, date guys who want marriage, and then maybe some day, I’ll actually have marriage.

Even just a year ago, singleness was easier to cope with but now that I’ve officially entered the season where all my friends are getting married (five between now and March) I’m getting more and more uncomfortable with my singleness. I’ve grown even dissatisfied in my lot from the Lord.

But why should I be dissatisfied in this? Singleness really isn’t that bad. Because of it, I am able to devote more of my time and energy to the Lord with few distractions. (1 Corinthians 7:34) Additionally, singleness offers a lot of freedom in how I spend my time and money. Why give all that up for a ring, limitations, and dirty diapers?

Dear sister, I think I often fall into the trap of thinking that my life doesn’t really begin until I have a man to share it with. So until he comes I’m just waiting around trying to look busy. But this ought not to be the case. Marriage is not the end or goal of my life. Neither is singleness. God gives both and takes away both but the season is not an end in itself. Rather, each season is a means to God’s end for our lives, which is our sanctification.

First Thessalonians 4:7a says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.” Contrary to the messages of the world, God’s first concern is not our happiness. Instead he desires for us to be holy, to be conformed to the image of his Son. Sanctification is the life-long process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Both singleness and marriage are simply means to God’s greater end of making us holy and perfect. We can’t worry that not being married means that we’re not fulfilling our purpose. Our purpose is not to be married. Our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and we can do that with or without a diamond ring (With, God, please with!).

The Lord is sovereign over where you are right now, dear sister, even if you don’t want to be there. Live out your singleness with earnest devotion to the Lord. Married already? Then be a godly and devoted wife and mother.

Each season in your life contributes to your sanctification. Take advantage of each one and don’t waste it. Trust God every day and hope in Him. Rest assured, He will complete the work he has begun in you (Philippians 1:6). He will not fail.

The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. -Psalm 84:11

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I Thought I knew it All

Dear Sisters,

I got married weeks before turning 31 years old. I was the token single girl that every married church-going person would sadly ask, “now why aren’t you married?” Oh, the pain that caused. I immediately felt like Christ could never satisfy me or make me a complete woman…that I needed a husband to fulfill some Cinderella dream. Just as I thought I was becoming fully contented in my singleness, I met Barrett: A boisterous, fun-loving, outspoken, life-of-the-party, follower of Christ. We hit it off right away when we realized our end goal matched…to glorify Jesus with our entire life. We married a year later and both finished Seminary with degrees in Biblical Counseling (and he with an added degree in theology). We should have the perfect marriage, right?

It has been six years this week since we married. We have had cold nights, fights, tears, and even showed up at another couple’s house with wet faces and little hope. How can two people who waited so long to get married, find someone with the same goal of glorifying Christ, still “fail” at marriage? We know all the answers. Believe me. We have counseled them to others endlessly. We believe in the biblical view of marriage where the man sacrificially leads the woman as Christ leads the church and the woman submits to her loving husband and respects him. We believe that our main problem is ourselves, our selfish desires and need to control our own and each other’s lives. We also believe that we will never be happy until we find our satisfaction in Christ, not each other, for our joy and happiness. Yet we fight.

Sweet sister, I come to you as one who has failed at finding my joy and delight in Christ in my life and marriage. I still clutch strongly to serve myself and have my way (because of course, it’s the best and most logical). I want Barrett to understand me perfectly all the time and then I would gladly submit to him (how do you like that ultimatum?). We both love Christ and I expect him to do his role perfectly because of how much he loves and serves Christ. Can you see and feel that gross sin? I can. My stomach winces as I write. Even though I know that Barrett is not Christ, I expect him to be because of his strong, bold, faith and role. I twist the biblical truth to fit my selfish ways and give me an excuse not to submit and respect him. I still see marriage as a quid quo pro rather than dying to self.

Barrett has shown me my problem. “I know you love me, I just don’t think you delight in me.” Ouch. It’s so true. I don’t delight in him because my delight is not fully in Christ. If I truly delighted in Christ, that ALL my sins have been forgiven, then how could I not delight in the husband that Jesus gave me? How could I not out-serve him because I have been out-served by Christ? But HOW?!?!

Remember the feel of a crush? How you longed to know that person and would study, stare, and talk to them as much as you could? That’s what I need to do with Jesus. Read His Word, pray to Him, sing to Him, hang out with others that know Him, talk about Him whenever I get the chance. The sweeter Jesus becomes to me, the more satisfied I am in marriage. The sweeter He becomes to you sweet sister, married or not, the more satisfied and happy you will be. His promise, not mine. Pray for me on this journey together. May our marriages and lives be happy because of what we have in Christ, not in what we think we are owed from others.

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A Righteous Oak Has Fallen

Grace and peace to you sisters!

I pray this has been a month of deep reflection and growth, as we’ve considered the
steadfast ways of our Lord that we are called to emulate. It has been wonderful for me to meditate on this topic as well, and several people have come to mind as I’ve done so. These people are dear to me, and have shown me the nature of this word, ‘steadfast,’ simply by living out their everyday lives of faithfulness. They are a reflection of this definition of steadfastness that I found in the Webster’s 1828 dictionary: Firmness of mind or purpose; fixedness in principle; constancy; resolution; as the steadfastness of faith. “He adhered to his opinions with steadfastness.”

My husband is definitely fixed in his principles, and that translates to his everyday actions and choices. Some may critique this, to be so certain of Truth and it’s application to many life issues, but it brings a sense of peace and stability to my life to be reminded of the things we believe as Christians and as a family. I can count on Paul to remain true to his word because he is true to the Word of God. Two people that also come to mind are my parents, who brought us up to know the Word of God, and the importance of sharing the Gospel. It is amazing to see how so many things that I take for granted, that are woven into the fabric of my personality, are simply things that I was taught as a young child. I praise God for the steadfast witness and convictions of my parents.

But my heart has been heavy over the loss of an incredible woman, my Oma, who lived a remarkably steadfast life for almost 95 years. Oma, which is German for grandma, was born in Poland in 1918. She endured numerous trials in her life, many details we will never know. She was a nurse in the German army, and came through Ellis Island shortly after the war ended. Faithfully raising 5 children to know and love the Lord, she suffered marital and financial concerns. She learned English by listening to the radio, and cared for many children besides her own. In fact, many of those children she babysat to earn extra grocery money stayed in touch with her after she moved and retired to Florida.

What is striking for me is to think over all the things she suffered, and yet how she relied on the Lord through it all. I simply can’t imagine having to watch my family being threatened and shot at by Nazi soldiers, to come across the ocean on a boat, to suffer the loneliness of adjusting to a foreign culture and language, to raise my family without the support, encouragement, or finances needed, etc. The list is so long in my mind, but none of that seemed to deter Oma from her faithfulness to God. Many people choose to walk away from God when faced with trials that pale in comparison to what my Oma faced. Though she lived alone, I never saw fear or anxiety in her. She meditated on the Word of God and He gave her a steadfast heart and mind (Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 112:7)

I praise God for this steadfast example that I have to draw on, and know that our family line was impacted in such a mighty way by her faithful daily prayers for all her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. I don’t think I would believe so strongly in prayer myself, had it not been for the example she passed on to my mother, who passed it on to me.

I think back on some rough years I’ve been through, and see where God is taking Paul and I now, and know that the joy we are experiencing is in part due to her faithful prayers that buoyed me through my storms. She always encouraged me to wait for the right man, and prayed faithfully that God would provide him in the right time. In fact, I still remember her joy when I called to tell her about meeting Paul. When I started teaching, she wrote letters and encouraged me that what I was doing was so important in the eyes of God. And though the slippers she knitted for me will not last forever, I have her memory in my heart, and look forward to the day we will be worshipping at the throne of God together. I am confident that God received glory from her life, as well as her death. I find myself living with more purpose and clarity as I reflect on her well-lived, steadfast life. God has called us to just a few short years here, sister. Live them well, steadfast in heart and mind, for the glory of our eternal King!

Resting in Him,
Ruth

“And they will be called righteous trees, planted by the Lord to glorify
Him.” Isaiah 61:3b

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKRF8UihM5s

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Wholehearted Devotion

My Dearest Sister,

​Recently, according to my daily Bible reading plan, I have been going through the books of Kings and Chronicles. I didn’t have to read for very long before I started to become disheartened at the rapid falling away of the children of Israel from worshipping the Lord. It seemed that king after king, of this chosen nation of God became more and more corrupt, even splitting at one point into the two separate kingdoms of Israel and Judah. To be honest, it reminded me of the way much of society today has fallen away from serving the Lord, dividing ourselves over an endless array of issues. And seeing as most of these accounts are told twice throughout these four books, it was even doubly depressing. That is, until I came to the story of Josiah in 2 Kings 22-23 and 2 Chronicles 34-35.
​Josiah was one of the youngest kings in Israel’s history, taking the throne when he was just eight years old. Unlike his fathers before him, Josiah walked in the ways of the Lord and “did not turn aside to the right hand or the left” (2 Kings 22:2). This unwavering adherence to the commands of God sparked an incredible change in Israel during his reign. In an effort to bring the people back to worshipping the Lord, Josiah began to purge the land of Israel of everything displeasing in God’s eyes: He removed the pagan worship articles from the temple, burned down all the images of other gods, destroyed the pagan altars, defiled their high places of worship (including the ones where they had been sacrificing their children to foreign gods), and put to death all the corrupt priests. He was ruthless in his obedience to God, removing every sinful thing that prevented him from performing the words of the law passed down by Moses (2 Kings 23:24). I was immediately fascinated and inspired by this young King of Judah who showed such heartfelt steadfastness to following the Lord and bringing Him glory.
​The story of Josiah got me thinking about what such wholehearted devotion to God actually requires of us in relation to our world today. To be able to follow the Lord in everything we do, we must possess an unwavering determination, even when it means the work will be hard or we will be going against the grain. I’m sure there were times when it would have have been a lot easier for Josiah to give up and just go with the flow of the pagan culture surrounding him, especially considering both the generations before and after him did just that. However, he chose to stand resolute in his faithfulness to the Lord and we are called to do the same. Some might call it stubborn or close-minded, but we know it by its rightful name: steadfastness. We also know from Josiah’s example that it requires us to put away anything and everything in our lives that prevents us from following the Lord. Now, I doubt that you or I will ever have to execute a pagan priest or burn down the statue of a foreign god, but there are times when we will have to remove things in our lives that are sinful in the Lord’s eyes, things that are distracting us and keeping us from following Him wholeheartedly. Sometimes this means we have to make difficult choices, to separate ourselves from people we care about, to change our lifestyles and habits, or give up things things that used to be important to us. Remember, dear friend, Jesus’ words in Matthew chapter five: Better with one eye and one hand in the presence of the Lord than two eyes and two hands stumbling in darkness.
​I’m not going to sugar coat it for you, having to remove a hand or eye – even a figurative one – is painful and certainly takes some courage! But God never promised that standing steadfast in His name would be easy. In fact, we know from the many examples in scripture that it is usually the opposite. Even so, sister, I want to reassure you that when we make such a stand it does not come back void. Not only did Josiah receive a blessing for his tender heart and humility before the Lord (2 Kings 22:19-20), he also became a beacon of God’s truth to the entire nation. His own personal covenant before the Lord, to follow Him with all his heart and soul, became an example to the people of Israel. As a result, in all of Josiah’s days “they did not depart from following the Lord God of their fathers” (2 Chronicles 34:33). Now, you and I may not have such a large influence as Josiah did – he was the king, after all – but rest assured, there are people watching how we live our lives. Whether it’s our spouse, our children, our parents or siblings, a neighbor, a friend, a co-worker or even a complete stranger, those around us will be able to tell if we are standing strong in our faith or if we are falling aside to the right and the left with every challenge that rolls our way.
​Because of his steadfast devotion to God, the Bible distinguishes Josiah from all the other rulers of his time, saying that “before him there was no king like him who turned to the Lord with all his heart, with all his soul, and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; nor after him did any arise like him” (2 Kings 23:25). Some people today might call his zealousness ‘extreme’ or ‘over the top’, but I believe that Josiah knew exactly how important it was to not let anything stand between him and God. He knew that to be steadfast in following the Lord meant not turning aside to sin or other distractions, and always striving to bring Him the glory. Is that something we can say of ourselves, dear sister? Do we really turn to the Lord with all our heart, soul, and strength? Come, let us put away every sin, distraction, and stumbling block that is standing between us and God. Let us be so bold as to live our lives with an unwavering, passionate steadfastness for the Lord, ready and willing to be used for His purposes and His glory.

​“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.”
​- 1 Corinthians 15:58

Grace and peace be with you always,​

~ Lauren​

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Honorable Steadfastness

Dear Sisters,
Resolute. Not vacillating. Loyal. Steadfast.
Words are fascinating to me—especially more distinctive and emotionally-stirring words. Easily, I can get sucked into reading a dictionary or a thesaurus. Ever since I was a little girl, I have desired to unpack the meaning of words, to really understand the depth of an important concept.
When I hear the word, steadfast, I think of honor, love, faithfulness. I see visions of glorious lives of honorable men and women. However, being steadfast is not a good thing if what you are steadfast to is not honorable in itself. My husband and I shake our heads when our children chose to remain steadfast to a (usually not so cleverly crafted) lie. We ourselves are steadfast night owls, often draining our potential for the following day.
My husband remarked how grateful he is that God is steadfast—how we should have been cast off as a human race long, long ago, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Rom. 5:8. All those years Israel and Judah were unfaithful and disloyal to God, yet He still sent His Son. Then His people cast out their Savior, their God, and hung Him on the cross! How often do I turn steadfastly toward rubbish as well? Yet, He remains resolute toward me in His love.
Be careful who and what you are steadfast to, dear sister! “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect…. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.” Rom. 12:2; 9b. Be meticulous in your choices. “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” I Cor. 15:58. Oh, there is great comfort in knowing our hard work in the Lord, even the sometimes mundane service, is of worth. Steadfastly rest there!
Running with you,
Rebecca