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Relational Idols

Dear sister,

I love people, sometimes too much. I’ll depend on them, be fulfilled by them, desire to please them, and need to feel loved by them, sometimes more than I need God. You see, I place people higher than God, and that’s not loving. That’s false worship.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to need people. We were created to be social beings (Gen. 2:18). It’s not good to remain in isolation and avoid accountability just because relationships are messy. People are a blessing and friendship is a gift from God. But we make something an idol when that blessing becomes more important in our hearts than God. As Calvin put it, “The heart is an idol factory.” Just like the “unrighteous men” in Romans 1, we end up worshiping the creation rather than the Creator. What a shame that we put our hope in the gift instead of where it came from.

We are to love others, but when we constantly have this desire to please people or need them for our sense of worth, that love becomes self-seeking and a form of self-worship.

In this life, people will let us down. No spouse is perfect, parents are human too, and even “best” friends aren’t always the best. That’s because THEY ARE NOT GOD! We should not expect people to be perfect; perfection is impossible this side of heaven. We wouldn’t want people to put unfair expectations on us, so we should not do the same to them. Nothing and no one will truly fulfill us like Christ, yet we still try to find fulfillment in others. Why is that?

I’ve never really struggled with peer pressure, but I do consider myself a people-pleaser. I used to see this as a good thing, like being a peace maker. Why would I want to displease people or make them upset? But I’ve since learned my faults and realize I just hate confrontation for selfish reasons. I don’t want to get hurt, and if I’m honest with myself, I care too much what people think. I want to be loved, but I often look to the wrong source for that love. That’s why we are to love God more than man.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe” (Proverbs 29:25)

I like the idea of “safe,” but we don’t just love God because it’s safer than being vulnerable with others. We are to love others because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). The only way we can love others is if we put people in their place and look to God alone for our satisfaction.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23).

People in this life will hurt us and we will probably hurt others, after all we aren’t perfect either. People can’t save us and we can’t be God for others, and that’s a good thing! Our humanness is supposed to point us to Christ! That’s why we first love God, then others. Once we have a proper view of God, self, and others, we can truly enjoy human relationship and fellowship. I’ve received the best encouragement from people I love and my close friendships have been a huge comfort to me over the years. Love others, but don’t make them an idol. Trust in God, not man.

Your sister in Christ,

Karlie

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The Greatest Faithfulness

Dear Sister,

We just celebrated Easter. Like Christmas, Resurrection Day has taken on all the trappings of the Secularist. New Beginnings. Spring. Freshness of rain and sun to wash away winter.  Goddess of fertility.  Tulips and Narcissus. Bunnies and dyed eggs and pure sugar jellybeans. Such misdirection.

Recently, I read and reread 1 Corinthians 15.  If the resurrection of Jesus Christ is not true, we, of all people, are most miserable. If the resurrection is a fable, why give our lives to a myth just to make ourselves feel better about inevitable death hanging over our heads. Let’s eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow only brings death, and with it, total silence. If Christ is not raised, nor will we be raised. Our faith is empty, says Paul. We are still in our sins. We might as well shake our fists at a mythical or unfaithful, mocking God who sits in a heaven reserved for Himself alone.

Ah, but we know better. We can read all the books on apologetics, proving the resurrection, and they help. But the greatest apologetic for the believer is the living and powerful Word of God which quickens our hearts to believe and understand the resurrection, the dynamite power that raised Christ from the dead, the same power that removed the glaze, the veil from our own spiritual eyes and lack of understanding concerning our Risen Lord. We now know wholeheartedly that we died in Adam. We, by faith, are certain we were made alive in Christ. Peter tells us we have been given a living hope, the confidence that comes from God Himself that we too will be raised from the dead, a heavenly inheritance that is not subject to earthly corruption or defilement, nor does it fade away. Peter continues to state that we are able to remain faithful to God despite the sure trials of this difficult life because His power and presence in the sufferings will prove the genuineness of our faith in Jesus Christ. The end result is the salvation of our souls. But only if we are His…

Life really is very short. The older we get, the shorter it seems. Eternity is a very long time.  We know the day of our birth. We do not know the day of our death. God knows. God determined it. Are we ready? Do we know Him? Do we belong to Him? We can work hard to make ourselves acceptable to our Creator or to make sure we make the cut between heaven and hell, but He says our supposed attempts at righteousness are the same as filthy rags. Jesus will say to those who worked hard with wonderful deeds, “Depart from me, You workers of iniquity. I never knew you.”  Terrifying. Our right standing before Christ is not based on our works or we would boast. It is based on His work for us, our sins placed on Him, His perfect righteousness given to us by grace alone, by faith alone, through Christ alone. (Ephesians 2:8-9) God says we are dead in our sins and corpses do not respond or make decisions.   Ask Him to make your heart alive to Him. You can’t conjure it up. He has to do it for you. He will take away your sins and make you His own daughter, and us, your sisters.

Trust Him, my friend, with all your soul. His Word says He is faithful to do it. He can be trusted completely. He will never deceive you. His faithfulness is without blemish, untarnished by any weakness.

” ‘Jesus sinners doth receive’,
word of surest consolation;
Word all sorrow to relieve, word of pardon, peace, salvation!
Naught like this can comfort give;
‘Jesus sinners doth receive.’

On God’s grace we have no claim,
yet to us His pledge is given;
He hath sworn by His own name,
open are the gates of heaven.
Take to heart this word and live:
‘Jesus sinners doth receive.’

When a helpless lamb doth stray,
after it, the Shepherd, pressing
thro’ each dark and dang’rous way,
brings it back, His own possessing.
Jesus seeks thee, O believe: ‘Jesus sinners doth receive.’

Oh, how blest it is to know: were as scarlet my transgression,
it shall be as white as snow by Thy blood and bitter passion;
For these words I now believe: ‘Jesus sinners doth receive.’

Now my conscience is at peace,
from the Law I stand acquitted;
Christ hath purchased my release
and my every sin remitted.
Naught remains my soul to grieve–
‘Jesus sinners doth receive.’ ”
(Hymn based on lyrics by Erdmann Neumeister 1671-1756)

Love,
Cherry

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The Cancer of Sin

Dear sister,

For seven years my mother battled cancer, but what concerned her more was the condition of her soul. You see, my mom realized the biggest problem we face in this life is not disease or death, but sin. Sin is a spiritual cancer we need to fight. As it says in Romans 3, “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.” All are sick with sin and it is more destructive than the most aggressive disease.

“Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” – John Owen, The Mortification of Sin

When I went to counseling, I learned just how damaging sin can be. It may be easy to justify or seem fine in the moment, but sin leads to death (Rom. 6:23). The below acronym helped me see my sin for what it was. Sin:

D – damages
E – entangles
A – alienates
T – twists the truth
H – hampers growth

Sin is a terminal disease, but thankfully there is a cure and God is the Great Physician. He measures our sins (Rom. 5:20) but does not count our sins against us, because of Christ (Rom. 4:7-8).

We all have been affected by sin. Either by our own or from the sins of others, it’s just part of living in a fallen world. People sin against us all the time and we hurt people in ways we probably don’t even realize. But God is without sin. He has no secret sins waiting to be found out. God doesn’t have any skeletons in the closet. The secrets of God are only good things and bring pleasure and assurance. So we can trust Him.

I thought the purpose of my counseling was to help me heal from hurt caused by others, but counseling exposed my sin and helped me realize I am not without blame. Often we think other people are the problem without ever looking inside ourselves. We do not know our own hearts (Psalms 19:12; Jeremiah 17:9). Often I am aware of the sins of others, but blind to my own.

“[God] graciously holds up the mirror of his Word, and my heart is laid bare. I am reminded that I am fully knowable, fully known.” – Jen Wilkin, None Like Him

I used to think it was a bad thing that God knows our hearts (Psalm 139:1-6;1 Corinthians 10:13), but God truly knows when I try and understands my personal struggles in a way no one else could. God accepts me the way I am because I am in Christ. But there is no acceptance without repentance.

“We cannot create repentance where there is unrepentance, but we can cry out to the God who can.” – Jen Wilkin, None Like Him

My mother was able to rest in her cancer because she knew the bigger battle for her soul had been won. I too am no longer a slave to sin and resting in Christ. Since God has shown grace to me, I am reminded to show grace to others when they sin against me. It’s hard to watch those I love struggle or succumb to their sin, but all I can do is speak truth into their life and trust their lives are in God’s hands. Only He can change sinful hearts, including mine.

In Christ,

Karlie

*For more encouraging thoughts by Karlie you can go to her blog: https://sowintearsdotcom.wordpress.com/

Posted on

Slowly Forward

Dear Sister,

It will be thirty-nine years in August. How eagerly I waited for the day of my wedding. We had dated off and on for nine years. Somewhere in there God saved us both for Himself. When my man finally asked my daddy if he could marry me, we planned and executed a wedding within five days. It had been a long and unpredictable romance, a whirlwind engagement, but the marriage has been slow and steady and faithful and satisfying. We promised before God and family on that day so long ago to love and honor and be true to each other till death do us part. By His grace we continue.

Our world is marked by unfaithfulness. Nothing new. The Bible is filled with unfaithfulness–Stories of many unfaithful people, that is. Unfaithfulness comes in many stripes and colors. Unfaithful to a spouse in adultery… Unfaithful in promises made to a friend… Our word has ceased to be our bond. Unfaithful concerning loyalties…Gossip…Disobedience to parents, to authorities, to God…all marks of the unfaithful heart. We find a myriad examples in our own relationships and spheres of acquaintances and God has given us many examples in Scripture. Adam and Eve. Cain. The whole world save Noah. Israel. Achan. King Saul. Scribes. Pharisees. Judas.

At times faithfulness seems tedious, like a lumbering ox plowing a field, ponderously going up and down the furrows day after day,  not understanding the reward following the monotony. Unlike the cow we have reasoning powers and can consciously discern that the everyday-ness of faithfulness yields much harvest, but we too easily get tired or bored and throw up our hands, wondering if it is worth it. How many diapers must I change and how many arguments must I umpire? How often am I required to suffer the wounds of that friend or family member? How much longer will I have strength to care for my frail parent? How many months or years must I pray for a son’s salvation? What’s in it for me? We’re tired of the world’s sneers at our beliefs and life-style. Don’t we have a right to autonomy, to be free to do as we please? And the world beckons with its deceiving and attractive selfishness. ‘Come with me. Throw off your yoke of bondage to others. Do as you feel.’  Exhaustion from responsibilities can do that to us.

But, as we know, all of life is bound up in consequences for decisions and behaviors. In our right-thinking moments we see the results of unfaithfulness around us, of the bodies strewn along the way, damaged and bloodied, marriages and friendships broken, reputations sullied, children devastated, hearts shattered. Lies. Deceit. We never sin alone.

But God…In His glorious strength and power intrudes into our lives (as Joni Tada aptly says) and breaks the power of our selfish hearts and gives grace to be faithful in that difficult marriage, to be kind in that hurtful friendship, to be patient with that little one who spills and makes messes, to be tender with the parent who is becoming a child again. We are not to be weary in doing good, says Paul in Galatians 6:9,  because in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. But before that, in the same chapter, he said that if we sow to our own flesh (selfishness) we will bear its fruit: corruption. If we sow to the Spirit (obedience to Christ) we will reap eternal life. That’s why we do not become faint-hearted in faithfulness to what God commands. And then Paul enjoins us to do good to everyone, as opportunity arises, especially to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

There you have it… We are weak and ‘prone to wander’, we find it difficult to consider others before ourselves and to focus our hearts on the reward for faithfulness. Let us turn from ourselves,  my sister, and “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, LOOKING UNTO JESUS, the founder and perfecter of our faith…”  Christ’s life was rough here on earth, but “for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (From Hebrews 12:2)

When you feel as though you cannot put one foot in front of the other, think on that day when our longings to hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant…Enter into the joy of your master,” will be realized and we will see Jesus face to face.  

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12) All by His mercy and grace.

Love,

Cherry

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The Flip Side of Forgiveness

Dear sister,

It’s hard for me to let go of things.

Maybe it’s a personality thing, but some people seem to get over things quicker than I can. Like a fairy that can only hold one emotion at a time, one moment they are upset and the next thing you know they have moved on. I’m more like a pit bull. Once I bite down on a feeling, it’s hard for me to let go of my death clench, especially when someone has wronged me. I like to think it’s my strong sense of justice but really I just struggle with bitterness.

Clichés like “let go and let God” and “forgive and forget” are not helpful. I want to trust God and forgive others as I’ve been forgiven, but forgiveness has not always come easy for me, especially when those close to me hurt me. I want to forget, but does that mean I pretend like it never happened? Where is the justice in that?

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:12-13).

I know I should put to death my sin of unforgiveness. The fact that I am forgiven should be the best motivator, but I still struggle to forgive. It’s just hard to let go.

If forgiveness is freeing, the flip side to forgiveness is bitterness, which only leads to spiritual torment.

When the disciples asked Jesus how many times they were to forgive someone, his answer was 77 times (Matt. 18:22). Was Jesus giving us the exact number we should forgive someone? Seven is symbolic for perfection, but I think the point here is that forgiveness is continual. It’s not as easy as “forgive and forget”. So why should we forgive? Because God commands it, and forgiveness is actually in our favor.

According to the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, if we do not forgive from the heart the result seems to be spiritual torture (Matt. 18:35). Yes, we are to forgive as we have been forgiven, but not because the other person deserves it. If we don’t forgive, bitterness will eat away at our souls. Sin on top of sin does not solve the problem.

Bitterness is spiritually deteriorating, but true love overcomes fear.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18).

When others hurt us, we don’t have to fear the pain, but we do have to forgive. And there is hope. God forgives our sins, but he is also just and sees your pain. Vengeance belongs to God and He will repay evil for evil (Rom. 12:19). Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting, but we are not to add to evil with our bitterness. So strive to forgive daily and trust God with the rest.

In Christ,

Karlie