Author: Kayla Mahnken

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Patiently Waiting

My dear sister,

“I want it now!” is what I find myself saying to God tonight as I selfishly and impatiently relay to God all the reasons why I should have this thing that has become so important to me. “I don’t want to wait until Thursday. I don’t want to wait for more wisdom. I know what I want and I want it now!”

At times I find myself pondering the thought that God might be looking down at me and laughing at the predicaments I get myself into and the impatience that I typically respond to those circumstances with. I have also noticed how often in God’s Providence the topic for which I am about to write is the very thing that is testing my faith! All that to say; How gracious it is of God to allow me to be struggling with patience this month as I sit here writing this to you!

Are you going through a particularly difficult time in your life? Has the Lord responded to your prayers simply by saying, “Wait.”? Are you struggling to be patient through this time of uncertainty? If yes, then I am right there with you. Waiting on the Lord is hard and being told to wait may even be worse than a flat out no. Having to trust the Lord through the in between times is not terribly fun. It’s actually really hard.

I was at my aunt’s house about to babysit my cousins on Saturday night. Before my aunt and uncle left my 4 year old cousin was repeatedly asking for a cookie in a less than pleasant voice. “You have to stop whining if you want a cookie, ” my uncle said. “I’m not whining!” my little cousin whined in response.

Wow. Do I sure feel like my little cousin this week. I know what I want and I think that everyone else should cater to my desire and give it to me now. How selfish! And how immature! I’m acting like a four year old! Even more than being selfish, my attitude tells God that I’m the one who knows what’s best for me and that I should be the one calling the shots. Could I be anymore arrogant?

Remembering the events of last night regarding my own personal situation, I realized that I said some things to a dear friend that I should not have said. I think, “If I had only been patient I would not have acted so selfishly!” But unfortunately I let my desire overtake my reason and instead of waiting upon the Lord to bring about the final results in His timing and in His way I took matters into my own hands. What a mistake that was, dear one.

Romans 5 has been my companion through these last few days. It says, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Are you going through a trial right now, dear one? Has the Lord told you to wait when you don’t want to wait? Remember this verse. God is working in you and teaching you things now that will be for your good and to your advantage in the future. Remember that Romans 5 is true and that we will need endurance, character, and hope no matter what the Lord calls us to or what circumstances He puts us in. Trust and be encouraged by the truth of Romans 8:28 that the Lord does indeed work all things for the good of those who love Him.

I know what you’re going through right now is difficult and I know that you don’t want to be here very long but you need to wait. You need to, as the psalmist entreats us, ‘be still and know that I am God.” Pray for patience and pray for peace. The Lord will grant you both and remember ‘not one good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Psalm 84:11) God has our best interests at heart no matter how the circumstances may appear. Trust Him to bring the rainbow through the rain.

Under His wing,

Kayla

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The Prosperous Word

My dearest sister,

What ideas do you have about being prosperous? Is prosperity defined in your mind by the success of your committed relationship or marriage? The amount of money you make? How happy you are with your job? Your social status? If you answer yes to any of these then we need to recalibrate our hearts and minds–not according to worldly standards but according to the standards set up in God’s word.

Psalm 1 vividly describes the prosperous man. In the very first verse, the psalmist writes, ‘Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners…but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.’ The blessed man, the prosperous man delights in God’s law and meditates on it day and night. Have you been in the Word on a regular basis? Have you let it saturate your life? I know from personal experience just how difficult it is to immerse yourself in God’s word when you are constantly being pulled in a million different directions. Dive in, dear sister! The Lord will change your heart toward it if you ask Him to and He will give you great delight in His life-giving word.

The psalmist continues saying that this man ‘is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in season, and its leaf does not wither.’ Let that image take its full effect in your mind. Right now you’re probably imagining a great tall and robust tree with bright green leaves and deep, strong roots. The tree is prospering because it is absorbing the nutrients from the water that is planted by. Because of this it is strong and cannot be moved.

Are you feeding off of God’s word, dear one? Are you absorbing the nutrients found within its precious pages? I encourage you to start a daily devotional time if you’re not already doing so. If you feast on His word you will receive life and be prosperous no matter what your outward circumstances may be. You will be like the tree planted by streams of water that cannot be moved though storms may rage against it.

May the Lord be your faithful guide in this new year to come.

Your sister,

Kayla

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Oh, How He Loves Us!!

My dearest sister,

If you have listened to any Christian contemporary music you have probably heard the song, ‘How He Loves’ by David Crowder Band. This topic reminds me of a video I once watched pairing this song with clips of John Piper and Matt Chandler’s preaching on the cross of Christ and of His great love for us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUUmhnOPBdE

Today we are constantly assaulted with false representations of what love is. The world entreats us to believe that love is sex; love is getting what you want from another person; love is satisfaction now; love is whatever you want it to be and can be suited to your own purposes no matter what.

As Christians we often reject these evil notions with our mouths but what are our hearts doing? Do they too reject the fallacies that this evil and dark world relentlessly tries to seduce us with? Or are we in our heart of hearts, dear sister, believing in the lies of the devil, allowing him to wreak havoc in our lives? If so, what foolishness! How can we expect to find a pure love in a corrupt and fallen world? Though we know with our minds that this cannot be, our hearts are still easily drawn astray by it. Instead of looking to the world, we must look to the cross of Christ. In the cross is a beautiful and mighty picture of God’s love for you and God’s love for me. He loves you so much and He is so jealous for you that He sent His Son to die for you so that you could belong to Him. Even while you were still a sinner, still Christ’s enemy, He died for you (Romans 5:8). In the video, John Piper exclaims, “That’s love, folks! That is mega, off the charts love!”

Do you know how great God’s love is for you, dear sister? Maybe you once knew it but have forgotten it. Look again to the cross, dear sister. Behold the ‘wonders of His love’ as the popular Christmas carol ‘Joy to the World’ proclaims. Remember this Christmas season that Christ died for you, that His birth is truly a reason to rejoice. He did it because He loves you and NOTHING you do can ever change that.

Merry Christmas, my beloved sister,

Kayla

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Casting My Fear

Dear sister,

I have a confession to make. (What else is new, right?) I have to confess to you that I spend more, if not most of my time, living in fear. Living in fear of the past, living in fear of the present, and living in fear of the future, in fear of the unknown. I know now, you’re saying, “But, Kayla, you have Jesus. You know Him personally. Why should you be afraid?” I don’t have a good answer. Only that I’m a sinner. And as a sinner I am naturally disposed to fear. I would rather live in fear of life (essentially) than put my trust wholly in a sovereign God. I know it’s silly and it doesn’t make sense, but there it is. Now I can hear you saying, “Oh but Kayla, our God is wholly trustworthy; He is sovereign; He knows the plans He has for you. He is with you; there is no need to fear.” I know. I really do. But even in the knowledge of that truth, doubts still arise. A part of me still says, “God won’t be faithful. He will forget about you. He will not bring His plans for you to fruition. Your faith is futile.” I am not God and because of this my knowledge is limited and I can only see my life from one vantage point—the present. I can look back on the past and see God’s hand in those things that I once did not understand but only because I am now in the present. I cannot see God’s hand at work presently because the future is still unknown. The unknown future will one day be the known present but in the meantime I find it hard to believe and hard to trust that God will bring it about because I can’t see how I am going to get there. And so, I’m fearful. I’m scared that it won’t work out, that maybe I won’t get married and I won’t raise a family; the two things that I am unquenchably longing for in my life.

If we read Scripture, it is overtly clear that God does not want us to live this way, dear sister! He doesn’t want us to be fearful. He wants us to trust! He wants us to cast ALL our anxieties on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5: 7). He doesn’t want us to worry but He wants us to bring all our requests to Him in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving (Philippians 4: 6-7). He tells us numerous times not to fear and commands us saying, “Do not be afraid.”

So, now I and possibly you as well have a decision to make, dear sister. We must choose now to forsake the temptation to fear because we are uncertain of how the future will work out. Instead we must cling to the precious promises of our God and Savior. We must trust that He will be faithful, that He will, as the popular hymn says, grant our desires through what He ordains. The exciting thing, dear sister, is that one of God’s attributes is faithfulness. It is a part of His character to be faithful and He cannot deny Himself. This means that God cannot be unfaithful ! It is impossible for Him to fail in His faithfulness to us! Revel in the knowledge of that truth!!! Forsake fear and trust in the faithfulness of our great and mighty God!

Under His wing,

Kayla

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Walking in Repentance

Dear Sister,

Just recently I was trying to remember the last time I was angry about something. I couldn’t do it! I was surprised that I couldn’t remember one time in the last few years that I had been truly angry. Frustrated, yes. Annoyed, yes. But angry? Sure, I got angry at the television sometimes when certain political shows are on but it wasn’t the kind of anger that lasts, or the kind that you have to worry about letting the sun go down on. That kind of anger, I knew nothing about. And then last month happened. Somehow I went from doing just fine to all of sudden being completely overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. I was disappointed in myself. I was envious, uncertain of my future and yes, I was angry! Where had it all come from? I quickly realized that it didn’t just come all at once or overnight. I had been keeping all of my emotions bottled up inside and was always quick to brush them aside if one ever reared its ugly head. But I never dealt with the root of the problem. So each emotion grew and festered inside of me until I could not hold it in anymore. I had to let them go, I had to cry them out or I was going to explode!

Once I got past the tears, I had to examine the source of my emotions. Why was I so angry? Where had all of it come from? Well, dear sister, I soon discovered that my disappointment in myself and my anger were linked to each other. I was disappointed in myself because I finally realized that the reason I am not closer to accomplishing my goals today is that I was too busy procrastinating yesterday. I realized that I had wasted so much time and I would never be able to go back and do it right. All of this pointed me to the greater issue–my sinfulness. I was selfish, lazy, disobedient, and failed to exercise self-control over my mind and discipline my body. I was and still am ANGRY! I hate my sin! Not only has it led me to accomplishing less than I know I am capable of, but it has hurt my Savior and grieved His Holy Spirit. And now I am not as close with my Savior as I could be had I taken the time to be consistent and discipline myself in the way I spend my time.

So I’ve cried and now I know the source of my anger. The next step then is to resolve it. It is very tempting for me to beat myself up for how I behaved in the past but that wouldn’t be beneficial. When the woman caught in adultery was brought before Jesus, he didn’t condemn her. He said, “Go, and from now on sin no more.” So instead of living in the shame of my past I need to go to my Lord in prayer and with a penitent heart and ask Him to give me the strength that I need to leave my sin behind me and walk in the newness of life that Christ has given me.

My dear sister, If you are struggling with the shame of your past and are discouraged because even now your repentance is imperfect, remember Paul’s words in Galatians 6:15, “For neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation.” If you are in Christ then you are a new creation (II Corinthians 5:17). It is not by our works that we are saved, but by the grace of God and the work that Christ has already completed for us. The work is done, dear one. All we must do now is walk in the newness of life we have in Christ.

Keep walking,

Kayla