Tag: Truth

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Lessons in Counseling

Dear sister,

I have a confession to make…

I went to counseling.

What, not dramatic enough for you? That’s the funny thing about counseling. Talking to a professional about your problems is either perceived as completely normal or completely taboo.

Growing up, I used to think counseling was the magic pill that would fix all of my family’s problems. We never actually went, but every time there was some sort of family conflict I was convinced counseling would solve everything.

For a while now I’ve known I want to become a counselor. Yet I had never gone to counseling myself. You know how the flight attendant instructs you to place the face mask on yourself before helping the person next to you? Well, I finally realized I needed to help myself. Every time I go through a transition or crisis in my life, I feel paralyzed by a fear of pain; I try to move on, but feel so alone and scared. I think I’ve done a good job dealing with my fears myself, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

Going into counseling, I thought we would talk about problems outside of my control, but I quickly realized the problem wasn’t a particular person or situation, but how I responded to them. Counseling deals with the deeper heart issues. The problem wasn’t external, it was found within. As a people-pleaser, I hate confrontation, in part because I don’t want to hurt people, but mainly because I don’t want to get hurt myself. This can manifest as manipulation, selfishness, enabling, idolater of relationships, etc.

I have another confession to make.

Counseling didn’t fix me.

Counseling exposed my sin and what I needed to change, but I didn’t want to. At one part during my counseling, I did not complete my homework and had to admit to actually doing the opposite of what I was instructed to do. I knew what was right, but I wasn’t willing to obey. My counselor pointed me to the weak willed women in 2 Timothy who were led astray by their sins and wrong desires. They were “always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth” (2 Tim. 3:7). They knew the truth, but they had not learned anything from it. I could go to counseling for years, read all the books, listen to all the sermons, but unless I change my ways, I haven’t actually learned anything. It’s not enough to know the truth; you have to act according to the truth as well.

Although I’ve concluded my counseling sessions, I am by no means perfect and will never be, not until God calls me home. Some struggles go away with time; others are a struggle for life. That’s why sanctification is a process. Our focus shouldn’t be on “fixing ourselves”, instead we need to focus on Christ and who we are in Him.

I hope to learn from my counseling; I want to change and grow, but I can’t do it alone. If I’ve learned one thing from counseling, it’s that I need to pray for God’s help more. Only He can change hearts. That’s why He gave us the Spirit.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

The Spirit is the ultimate counselor who enables us and brings true comfort. As it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” So there is hope; you and I can obey His truth because He has given us a new heart and is at work within us. We are not going to be perfect, so continually repent, strive, and pray for help. And most importantly, trust in God. He is not done with us yet.

In Christ,

Karlie

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Jesus Is Our Delight

My dear sisters,

Annabelle, my three-year-old daughter, loves the Muppets. She was watching a part of the “Muppets take Manhattan” this morning and my heart lightened as my own childhood memories rushed colorfully through my mind. The wonder of creativity, the awe of how each Muppet changed costumes, how they rode bikes and got wet without getting wet, and the intertwining humor with memorable stars. Add my brothers watching beside me each night at 7, and I felt the feeling of delight well up.

Why do certain things give us delight? In fact, what is delight and why do I get it with the Muppets, for heaven’s sake?!

Scripture says that all good things come from above, so I decided to look up “delight” in a concordance rather than a dictionary. I found that we are to delight in the Word, in the law of the Word, in righteousness, in the Saints…we are to delight to draw near to God, delight in God, delight in truth, and in righteous works. The list is actually pretty long, but do you see the same theme that I am seeing? We are to delight, or be satisfied, in all that God is for us in Jesus. Perhaps the Jesus part is not as clear, so lets look a bit closer.

We delight in the law because that is the Word of the Lord. If we delight in what He says and commands, then we are delighting in God because that is how He expresses Himself. When we delight in righteousness, or right things, we are delighted in the Lord because all that He does is right and good! When we delight in the Saints, we are delighting in the Lord because what draws us to saints is their Christ-likeness. Jesus is the Word, He fulfilled the law perfectly, and He is the God-Man that shows us the perfect character of God. So when we delight and are satisfied in all that He is for us, it brings joy.

So what about the Muppets? Well, God is a creative God. He made amazing, exotic, and funny looking creatures in land, air, and sea. He gave us food that tastes bitter, sweet, sour, and salty. He gave people talents to paint the Mona Lisa, write symphonies, sing to melt our hearts, write words that bring us to places we’ve never been, and imagination to come up with animated, talking stuffed animals! I delight in the Muppets because it is a picture of God’s creativity and imagination! I delight in my brothers’ company because God made us for fellowship and company.

Sweet sister, delight in the Lord today. He, in His kindness, gives common grace to all mankind to see pictures of Himself each day. We delight in his character, and the many forms we see it displayed on this earth and in His Word.

Your Sister in Christ,

Colleen

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How Being Childless is Preparing Me for Motherhood

Dear sister,

There will always be something you’re waiting for. It could be something as inconsequential as being in line at the supermarket, or it could be bigger, like waiting for a check to post, or monumental like graduation, marriage, and motherhood. Whatever it is, that waiting time is there for a reason. But remember: it’s also just a season! (Yes, the rhyming helps me J) As I wait for the season of motherhood, I’m learning several lessons. Lessons that will carry me through other trying times in life. Can you relate?

Using truth to deal with emotions

You can ask my husband his opinion, but I’m thankful God has helped me grow in this area (even just a little?) I still have so far to go. Emotions always try to take the driver’s seat in my life. It takes an act of God some days to get my thoughts going in the right direction. Those sometimes helpful, but often pesky, emotions flood me with opportunities for temptation if I do not use them as indicators to my deeper heart issues. Stopping and evaluating what I’m feeling in the moment, asking for feedback (sometimes scary) and also taking it to the Lord, is so helpful to me. Then I must submit the feeling to the truth revealed in Scripture. Are anger, sorrow, loneliness, fear, etc. always ‘wrong’? Well, if indulged over trust in the Lord, yes, however, on many occasions God acknowledges and accepts our feeble emotions and then shows us how to deal with them. (Eph. 4:26, Psalm 34:4, John 14:1, 1 Peter 5:7) It is exciting to see God changing me as I surrender my thought life to Him! How often I have heard my girlfriends admit their feelings of being overwhelmed by the ups and downs of motherhood, and so I thank God that He is divinely helping me to learn how to better handle my emotions now.

Honoring and cherishing my husband

Two years ago, I made a promise to my husband before God and many witnesses that I would love, cherish, honor… that dear man with which I share four walls, many meals, memories, joys, sorrows… life. Let me tell you, it was much easier to speak the promise, than it’s been to daily keep the promise! We’re sinners. Should I be surprised? Taking the extra effort every day to make my hubby feel like a king in his home is hard, but it’s also my joy. I’ve learned his habits, his preferences, his weaknesses and strengths, and in many ways I can cater to what helps and brings him joy. Doing this with creativity is an extra challenge, but also quite fun! I can only imagine how caring for little ones saps the energy to be creative, rested, willing… to serve my man. So I’m taking the time now to make those things a habit. Dear sister, after your Jesus, your husband must always come before the kiddos!

Putting my ultimate hope in Christ for satisfaction

None of this will matter…. at all…. if you’re not finding your hope and joy in Christ first and foremost. I’ve had to learn this through trying times, when nothing else made sense. It is comforting, in a strange way, to know that everything could fall apart in my life (again) and I’d still be able to stand firm on the Solid Rock, knowing that my inheritance in Christ, in heaven, has not been shaken (1 Peter 1:4). Without this bedrock to our daily comings and goings, whether married, single, mothering or not, we are walking on shifting sand and ultimately all our good deeds will be burned up (1 Cor. 3: 11-15). Many days this goal to keep my eyes fixed on eternity seems like impossibility, but confessing my weakness, and crying out to God, I always find that He will fix my heart and soul on Him. What a gift my mother gave to me, as I watched her live life this way. Today and in the future, I hope to give that gift to as many little ones God brings my way, whether in my church, my home, or my classroom.

Remember—there’s a reason—but it’s only a season!

Ruth