My Dearest Sister,
When I was growing up, my parents were pretty cautious about what we watched on television. Most of the time we ended up watching reruns of older shows because they tended to be more family friendly. One of the programs we watched regularly was Happy Days. If you are familiar with the show, then you no doubt are familiar with the lovable character of Fonzie. You know that episode where he can’t even say the words “I was wrong”, as if they are physically going to hurt him? Yeah, that’s totally me (my poor husband can attest to this). I guess pride is just part of our human nature and with that comes the desire to be right, but that desire has so stubbornly manifested itself in me that admitting when I have been wrong is a real struggle sometimes; it can be so difficult that the words feel almost painful to say. Because of this, I don’t like to admit when I am at fault very often. As you can imagine, this can get me into trouble sometimes (again, my poor husband can attest to this).
You know who didn’t struggle to admit he was wrong? King David. If anyone could be more predisposed to issues of pride, it would be the shepherd boy who took down a giant with a single stone, became king over an entire nation, conquered thousands of men in battle, and would eventually become the forefather of the Savior of the world. Yet as great as all of his accomplishments were, David still recognized that his heart was deeply rooted in sin and he was desperately in need of forgiveness. Psalm 51 in particular outlines his prayer of repentance after his adulterous affair with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband, Uriah.
The first thing David does is acknowledge the source of his bad behavior, his own sinful heart. “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity. And in sin my mother conceived me,” he says (v. 5). David knew that he was born into sin the same way he was born into his family. It’s hard to imagine that my sweet baby boy who is sleeping peacefully in the other room shares this same inherent state of iniquity. He seems so pure right now, so incapable of anything evil. However, I know the day will quickly come when that veil of innocence will be lifted, revealing the same sinful nature we all possess.
But there is good news: thanks to Jesus’ death on the cross, this nature no longer controls us who belong to Christ. We have been set free from sin and are no longer slaves to it (Romans 6:22-23). However, that doesn’t mean that our sin nature just goes away completely. Sometimes it comes creeping back up on us and pounces when we least expect it. David was hand-picked by God to lead His people and yet he still struggled with sinful thoughts and actions. However, he knew that when he had sinned against the Lord that there was only one appropriate response: “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). He was desperately in need of forgiveness and God was the only One who could wash his heart clean again.
You see, what God desires from us more than anything else is a heart that is right before Him. That’s the whole reason He sent His Son to this earth in the first place, so that our sins could be forgiven and our hearts could be washed clean! David was more than willing to admit to his sins because he knew that conviction (identification) of sin is the first step to a heart that is right with God. “For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. These, O God, You will not despise” (v.16-17). David was a mighty man who did many great things in his lifetime, but his greatest strength was something many would consider a weakness: a humble, broken heart. He knew that he was born a sinner in need of forgiveness and he didn’t let his pride get in the way of admitting that. Being right with God was more important to him than being right.
Sister, if you are anything like me then you know how hard it can be to admit to wrongdoing, especially when our human nature dictates that being right is more important. However, before our hearts can be made clean, they must first be broken. I can’t begin to tell you how convicting writing this letter was for me. It has caused me to look on my prideful heart with shame and sorrow. But do you know what? That conviction is the first step to having a heart that is right before God. We can’t shy away from that brokenness, sister; we must embrace it as King David did, knowing it only draws us closer to the One who makes all things – including our filthy, sinful hearts – new once more.
In His Love,
~ Lauren