Sweet sister, if we were honest with ourselves, wouldn’t we admit that we desire to be unique, special, or seen as important in a splashy way? Don’t we have a longing in our hearts for movie star-like attention? I do. That’s why being defined simply as “my husband’s helper” can be difficult. I want to be defined by some other skill-set, not a confusing biblical label. I want to define myself outside of the church and marriage to prove something to the world about who I am.
It seems in this society it is easy for us women to try to define ourselves by our own woman-made standards rather than by the Lord’s. As wives we agree easily that we are made in God’s image, but may cringe a bit at the thought of being created as our husband’s helper. We want to be more. We want to be a mom, a doctor, an engineer, an artist, a blogger… Take a minute and think about what we are telling ourselves…we are saying that we know better than our Creator about how we are defined and what our purpose is in life. Wow. This is a big deal. Maybe you, like me, need to repent of this and grow in our understanding of what defines us and what it means to be our husband’s helper. Let’s first see how scripture defines our fundamental identity:
We are defined as being in the image of God (Gen 1:26). Ephesians tells us we are blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ (1:3), chosen by God before the foundation of the world (1:4), adopted as a son of God with all the rights and inheritance that comes with this (1:5), redeemed through the blood of Christ (1:7), forgiven of our trespasses (1:7), full of the riches of God’s grace, which He lavished on us (1:8), God’s heir (1:11), and sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit (1:13). This is who we are…this is who our husbands are.
With this biblical understanding as our fundamental identity, what does it now mean to be a helper? God Himself calls Himself man’s helper. The same Hebrew word used for “helper” in Genesis for women is used for God in Ex. 18:4; Ps 20:2; 33:20; 70:5; 115:9-11; 121:1-2 and 146:5! None of us would ever say that God is inferior to man by being man’s Helper, so we should not assume that being a helper means that we are in essence, inferior to man. Rather, God functionally subordinates Himself to come along side humans to care, provide, listen, etc.…to help us. He does not loose His Godhood, his very identity. Neither did Jesus when He became a man nor the Holy Spirit when He indwells humans. So too, we do not lose our essence of being made in the image of God, our identity, by being a helper to our husbands; our role is simply being defined.
God created us for this purpose or role, to help our husbands! “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’ ” (Gen. 2:18). We are to help our husbands. We are to trust our husbands with our heart. We are to listen to him in his most vulnerable of times. We are to walk humbly before him, joyfully helping him as God would have us. And we are to do this until death do us part. In good times and in bad. In sickness and in health.
Sweet sister, we can’t do this on our own. We need the help of the Holy Spirit to humble ourselves. And when we fall short? Oh, the sweetness of the forgiveness of Christ who humbled Himself to become a man and to die for this sin. He is our helper! He chose to obey the Father and live as a man, with all the issues and hardships that come with this choice. Even when it cost Him His life, He obeyed the Father to help us, to save us! Aren’t you glad He did? Now we have forgiveness and hope for a life of eternity with Christ! We even have the help of the Holy Spirit to help us help! This is good news. Remember who you are in Christ and how he has helped you, define yourself by this, and then joyfully help your husband to the glory of God!
Your sister in Christ,
Colleen