Tag: Love

Posted on

The Biblical Design For Marriage

​My Dearest Sister,

​In just a couple weeks Isaac and I will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. Looking back on our years together, I can honestly say that they have been the happiest of my life so far; However, I am not going to tell you that it has all been a perfect, fairy-tale romance. In those four years, there have been many arguments, tearful nights, and hurtful words spoken in anger, followed by a lot of bitterness and resentment. I actually remember a specific point a few months after the wedding where I was faced with the stark realization that my husband was not even close to the perfect person I had made him out to be (he is human, after all). I watched my own expectations of marriage crumble before me and felt disappointed, even a little bit heartbroken. I wondered how things could end up like this so quickly and why no one told me what married life was really like. What happened to the happily-ever-after part I was expecting? Maybe you can relate to this because like me, you’ve been there; Maybe you are even there right now.

What I didn’t realize until much later is that no marriage can truly blossom when it is rooted in our own expectations. Thanks to our human nature, we will all make mistakes and fall short of these expectations. Our flesh is so very wicked and, if given the chance, will fail us at every turn. That’s why it’s so important to live by God’s expectations for our marriage, not our own. His design for marriage, outlined in Ephesians 5:22-33, is unique in that He expects just one thing from us in regards to how we treat our spouses: 1) Wives are to humbly submit to their husbands leadership just as the church submits to Christ and 2) Husbands are to sacrificially love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. These two marital rules are so very important because they each speak to the deepest need of the other person. Why do you think we love those sappy, romantic comedies while our masculine counterparts love their action and war films where the hero saves the day? Because women need to feel loved and men need to feel respected.

​With each spouse only having just one simple command to follow – wives submit, husbands love – you would think it would be easy to get a handle on our marriages. However, there is a major challenge to overcome. You see, even though a man communicates best in terms of respect and authority, he is called to express tender love toward his wife. In the same way, a woman communicates best in terms of love but is called to honor and show submission to her husband. We are each commanded to perform what is less natural to us, but at the same time means more to other person. That is why marriage is so hard! It demands that we step out of our comfort zone, away from what is familiar, and instead focus on what the other person needs. It is the very essence of selflessness, something our flesh deeply struggles with.

​We know that we cannot overcome such selfishness on our own for as Jesus said, our spirits are willing but our flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). It is only by seeking the Lord first in our marriage that we are able to fully grasp the instruction Ephesians 5 gives us. As wives, it is by submitting to Christ in every area of our lives that we learn to submit to a husband who doesn’t always get things right the first time. In the same way, when a husband fully grasps the love that Christ had in giving Himself for our cleansing and sanctification, he can then replicate that same love toward a wife who doesn’t always respect his authority. So the closer and more intimate our relationship with Christ is, the closer and more intimate our relationship with our spouse can be as well. Isn’t the Biblical dynamic of marriage remarkable in its design for our sanctification?

​The truly amazing thing is that it doesn’t stop there with just the husband, the wife, and God. No, it is much more powerful than that! You see, when both parties heed the instruction in these 11 verses, they are exemplifying to everyone around them the bonded, loving relationship of Christ and the church. Paul calls this Christ/church relationship “a great mystery” (v. 32). Indeed, it is hard to understand how Jesus could love us enough to lay down His own life so that we may be cleansed and sanctified; It is also hard to understand how we could submit to the leadership of a Savior whom we have never even met. And yet this mysterious covenant between Christ and the church is portrayed so beautifully here on earth through the covenant of marriage. The ultimate purpose of marriage then is not for us at all, but for God’s own glory.

​Knowing this, it is not surprising that the covenant of marriage is under such heavy attack from the enemy. By destroying the one earthly relationship that points directly to the gospel, a very powerful testimony is being taken away from the kingdom of God. That is why it is so important, sister, to heed the instruction that has been given to us as husbands and wives. For us this means submitting first to Christ’s leadership in every area of our lives and then submitting to the leadership of our husbands, even when they don’t deserve it. Let’s lay aside our own expectations and selfish desires, and instead focus on how to serve God within the realm of our marriage. Not only will it create a stronger, more loving relationship between us and our spouses, but it may just be the greatest ministry to which we will ever be called.

​Grace, mercy, and peace to you my lovely sister,
​~ Lauren
​

Posted on

The Other Side of Steadfastness

Dear Sister,

Jeremiah the prophet (not the ever-so-popular bullfrog) had a rough life. The Lord told him to prophesy about His own plans for Israel and the nations while never allowing Jeremiah to see them come to be. Yet in the midst of Jeremiah’s darkest times and darkest laments (the book of Lamentations) he writes “the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (vss. 22-23).” Jeremiah held to the truth he knew about the Lord: That His mercy, goodness, love, and His grace are steadfast. Why did that mean so much to him – and as well to us?

Man, do I love the idea of the Lord’s steadfast love, mercy, and kindness. This love never ends and never changes. But as I was thinking of the steadfastness of the Lord a question pricked my mind. How much of the Lord’s character can be described as steadfast? Is it just his love, mercy, and kindness? I don’t believe so. The Bible teaches that the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever…that we can trust He is who He is, the Great I AM. What truly hit me about this is not His love, mercy, and kindness, but the steadfastness of His justice. Why? Because if the Lord was not steadfast in giving justice to sin, then we could never understand or appreciate the steadfastness of His love, mercy, and kindness. To know the wrath that sin deserves spurs me to tell my friends and family about Jesus and the hope of the cross. To know the wrath my sin deserves spurs me to seek forgiveness and repentance before a holy God.

Sweet sister, don’t just stop and chew the steadfast love, mercy, and kindness of the Lord for comfort, go deeper. Like Jeremiah, remember the steadfast justice of the Lord and where that leads those that do not trust Jesus as their Savior and hope. Remember the steadfast justice of the Lord and seek His repentance in your own life. Then like Jeremiah, the full realization of the Lord’s steadfast character will not only give you rest and comfort, it will spur you on to do the hard things the Lord calls you to do. Pray I will do the same.

Your sister in Christ,

Colleen

Posted on

How Being Childless is Preparing Me for Motherhood

Dear sister,

There will always be something you’re waiting for. It could be something as inconsequential as being in line at the supermarket, or it could be bigger, like waiting for a check to post, or monumental like graduation, marriage, and motherhood. Whatever it is, that waiting time is there for a reason. But remember: it’s also just a season! (Yes, the rhyming helps me J) As I wait for the season of motherhood, I’m learning several lessons. Lessons that will carry me through other trying times in life. Can you relate?

Using truth to deal with emotions

You can ask my husband his opinion, but I’m thankful God has helped me grow in this area (even just a little?) I still have so far to go. Emotions always try to take the driver’s seat in my life. It takes an act of God some days to get my thoughts going in the right direction. Those sometimes helpful, but often pesky, emotions flood me with opportunities for temptation if I do not use them as indicators to my deeper heart issues. Stopping and evaluating what I’m feeling in the moment, asking for feedback (sometimes scary) and also taking it to the Lord, is so helpful to me. Then I must submit the feeling to the truth revealed in Scripture. Are anger, sorrow, loneliness, fear, etc. always ‘wrong’? Well, if indulged over trust in the Lord, yes, however, on many occasions God acknowledges and accepts our feeble emotions and then shows us how to deal with them. (Eph. 4:26, Psalm 34:4, John 14:1, 1 Peter 5:7) It is exciting to see God changing me as I surrender my thought life to Him! How often I have heard my girlfriends admit their feelings of being overwhelmed by the ups and downs of motherhood, and so I thank God that He is divinely helping me to learn how to better handle my emotions now.

Honoring and cherishing my husband

Two years ago, I made a promise to my husband before God and many witnesses that I would love, cherish, honor… that dear man with which I share four walls, many meals, memories, joys, sorrows… life. Let me tell you, it was much easier to speak the promise, than it’s been to daily keep the promise! We’re sinners. Should I be surprised? Taking the extra effort every day to make my hubby feel like a king in his home is hard, but it’s also my joy. I’ve learned his habits, his preferences, his weaknesses and strengths, and in many ways I can cater to what helps and brings him joy. Doing this with creativity is an extra challenge, but also quite fun! I can only imagine how caring for little ones saps the energy to be creative, rested, willing… to serve my man. So I’m taking the time now to make those things a habit. Dear sister, after your Jesus, your husband must always come before the kiddos!

Putting my ultimate hope in Christ for satisfaction

None of this will matter…. at all…. if you’re not finding your hope and joy in Christ first and foremost. I’ve had to learn this through trying times, when nothing else made sense. It is comforting, in a strange way, to know that everything could fall apart in my life (again) and I’d still be able to stand firm on the Solid Rock, knowing that my inheritance in Christ, in heaven, has not been shaken (1 Peter 1:4). Without this bedrock to our daily comings and goings, whether married, single, mothering or not, we are walking on shifting sand and ultimately all our good deeds will be burned up (1 Cor. 3: 11-15). Many days this goal to keep my eyes fixed on eternity seems like impossibility, but confessing my weakness, and crying out to God, I always find that He will fix my heart and soul on Him. What a gift my mother gave to me, as I watched her live life this way. Today and in the future, I hope to give that gift to as many little ones God brings my way, whether in my church, my home, or my classroom.

Remember—there’s a reason—but it’s only a season!

Ruth

Posted on

Words with a Purpose

My dear sister,

This month the topic is “the tongue”; and so as I pondered that, several instances, phrases and bible verses came to my mind. It has taken prayerful consideration for the Lord to put in order all the ideas converging in my head and my heart.

Many years ago I heard the term; “she has a tongue hinged in the middle”. I am not sure about you but that picture in my mind, with the help of my imagination made me laugh. That is until I met someone in which my imagination was not necessary! In fact, while listening to this person talk (and talk, and talk….) I found myself staring past her lips into her mouth as it open and shut (completely tuning out her words mind you) to see if I could catch a glimpse of a shiny hinge within.

What this term means is that someone can say one thing to one person’s face and then turn around and say to another person something different, and usually it’s bad about the person they just had spoken to! This was the term used in my Mother’s generation for what my generation called; being two faced.

Speaking of my Mom, she used to say to me and my siblings; “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!” Her hope as a widowed mother of five, I am certain (because she told me later) was to have some peace and quiet in her home. Needless to say, her words of advice along with my acute observations of my older siblings who did not heed her wisdom and the resulting consequences of their actions, had a very strong impact upon my personality. I am a fairly quiet person!

Somewhere in between these two pieces of advice must be a balance right? Amy Carmichael once wrote that before she spoke she would ask herself three little questions: “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” this gave me some comfort! Speaking (communicating) is a good thing, a God given thing. But it does come with some responsibility and that means it is to be thoughtful! These three questions help me stay within the lines of God’s character, and His will for me as given in His word.

Is it true? One of God’s commandments given to the Israelites was : “thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” (Exodus 20:16) Did you know that our tongues and the words we speak come directly from our hearts? (Matthew 15:17-20) when you and I engage in conversation it is very revealing as to what rules our hearts! While speaking with others do we lack in the truth factor? Do we impute motives where we are not sure because we have not bothered to check the facts or maybe the story or information sounds better if said this way versus the truth? Paul exhorts all Christians to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).

Which brings me to the second question; Is it kind? Is love the motivation for what is being said? Not the world’s definition of love but God’s definition of love. I Corinthians 13:4-8 ; “patient and kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. When measured by God’s standard of love I find myself falling short most of the time. However, for those rare times when what I am about to say passes the litmus test of the first two questions, it is that third question that compels me to be silent.

Is it necessary? Once again I am challenged within my heart to examine my desires. What motivates my speech (conversation)? Is it necessary according to my own selfish desires? “I must be heard on the matter”, “I am right they are wrong and the matter must be rectified” Is every single detail important? Psalm 52:4 stops me in my tracks often; “you love all devouring words you deceitful tongue!”. Our words do have a purpose, they are to build each other up not to tear each other down!

May I encourage you dear friend? Take some time out of your day today (do not put it off til another day) to do a personal study in God’s word on the tongue. Here are some helpful places to start:

Psalm 5:9; 10:7; 12:4; 139:4 Proverbs 10:20; 10:31; 15:4; 18:21; 21:23

These are just a tiny fraction of what our faithful Father in heaven has to say about our tongues. I will warn you, be prepared to change the way you speak to others (especially those you love)! I know my habits have changed drastically over the last twenty years.

Blessings from your sister,
Susan

Posted on

He Fights for His Own

Dear sister,

May I tell you a story? The story of a young girl…

She hid behind a living room chair and waited out the burst of anger inflicted on a sibling by an adult who was hurting too. Fear rose up in her from this early memory…and stayed with her. It stayed when she thought she had to be a perfect student, afraid of failing. It plagued her when she wondered if she’d win the races, so she pushed herself harder than most. Would her worth be questioned if she lost? The fear became a friend that motivated her to succeed at a prestigious private school, and the fear led her to believe that God had abandoned her when life got difficult. Was she really not loveable? Was she not working hard enough, being a ‘good enough’ Christian, sister, friend, daughter…etc., etc.?

That was me, until the perfect love of Christ won over. 18 There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love –1 John 4:18. Perfect love pushed the pesky fear out of the dark corners of my heart, exposed the ‘lies, whys, what- ifs, maybes and shoulds’. Do you entertain these demanding houseguests too? They are no longer welcome at my home, though they still come calling. It’s better for me to look through the peephole and keep the door closed!

A dear friend confided in me once that she realized that most, if not all of her actions were motivated by fear, not love. What a telling and convicting comment. Can you relate? Why do we do what we do? Are our actions a result of love more often, or of fear? I am no different than this friend, but I have come quite a long way. Oh may we all search our hearts to see if Christ, or the enemy, is winning the battle over our lives!

I’ll leave you with two of my favorite verses on this topic… and the context of when they became dear to me.

When I lay on my sick bed in Ghana, fighting a possibly fatal bout of malaria, God seared Isaiah 41:10 on my heart. “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.”

And another sickness, when I lay in a hospital bed in Colorado, having been diagnosed with a condition that shamed (at the time) and confused me, bills left unpaid, friends and family scattered, and life looking hopeless… I heard the words of my Savior. He promised to fight for me when I could not fight. From Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

He will fight for you, sister, and gain the victory over your fears. You are not alone, and you need not fear. Not now, not ever. Our strong and mighty God is able to hold you, comfort you, and bring you safely home.

In Christian love,
Ruth