My Dear Sister,
It’s been a long day. Annabelle, my 14-month-old daughter woke up cranky and continued to be so throughout the day. She would not eat the food I prepared for her and she even gave me angry eyes as she forcefully pushed it away. She wouldn’t play in the grass and she complained when I took her for a walk. No treats for her tonight! I don’t want her to think she can get away with how she behaved today. As a parent I should correct consistently so she won’t build bad habits, right? Finally, bedtime came complete with cries and leg kicking. I shut the door to let her cry it out.
Giving her grace was nowhere in play this day. And what is grace? Grace is getting what you don’t deserve. Grace involves two parties where one party has wronged the other in some way, yet the one who was wronged gifts the wrong-doer not according to what he or she deserves, but rather out of a heart of unconditional generosity. Wow, that’s a lot of words. There is a difference between merited favor and grace. Often we treat people with merit thinking its grace…if Annabelle is normally a well behaved child, then I will gladly give her a treat or overlook an act of disobedience because she is normally well-behaved. That is merit, not grace. What if a badly behaved child does the same disobedience? Would I give them the same treat or overlook the same offense? If I was honest, I probably would not because I give treats based on past or overall behavior. That is not grace. Grace is given freely without regards to good or bad behavior.
The gospel is our example of grace. Jesus lived a perfect life with no sin and was crucified a horrible death to take the entire penalty of sin. He then arose three days later thus conquering the penalty of death. This is called the “great exchange”…where Jesus took on ALL the sin of His children and then put His perfect righteousness on them so that God now looks them as righteous, as His adopted and chosen sons complete with the full inheritance of heaven! Nowhere in the gospel are believers chosen for what they have done or not done…for how they behaved or did not behave. They are gifted salvation by God’s unconditional generosity.
This day with Annabelle could have been so different. If I had only remembered what God has gifted me in Christ (forgiveness of my sins, eternal life, righteousness, adoption, and the riches of heaven) and that He gave me this not because I deserved it, earned it, or merited it, then maybe I could have looked at Annabelle in the same manner. I should have loved her in grace, had patience with her in grace, and not gotten flustered or frustrated with her lack of obedience or her foolishness. Christ loved me before I believed; he gave me grace in my bad behavior…how much more should I give grace to my daughter (or husband, family, and friends)? How would Annabelle act if I treated her with grace instead of merit? Sure, there is a place for discipline, structure, and obedience, but it should be under the umbrella of the gospel of grace. To give her a treat when she doesn’t deserve it and tell her that is what Jesus did for me! He gave me life when I deserved death! To play with her, when she “deserves” a time-out, to show her that the Father never turns His back on His children. These actions and training can only come when her mom remembers the unmerited grace that was given her. Annabelle might not have acted any different in this day, but her mom would have.
~Colleen