My dear sister,
This month the topic is “the tongue”; and so as I pondered that, several instances, phrases and bible verses came to my mind. It has taken prayerful consideration for the Lord to put in order all the ideas converging in my head and my heart.
Many years ago I heard the term; “she has a tongue hinged in the middle”. I am not sure about you but that picture in my mind, with the help of my imagination made me laugh. That is until I met someone in which my imagination was not necessary! In fact, while listening to this person talk (and talk, and talk….) I found myself staring past her lips into her mouth as it open and shut (completely tuning out her words mind you) to see if I could catch a glimpse of a shiny hinge within.
What this term means is that someone can say one thing to one person’s face and then turn around and say to another person something different, and usually it’s bad about the person they just had spoken to! This was the term used in my Mother’s generation for what my generation called; being two faced.
Speaking of my Mom, she used to say to me and my siblings; “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!” Her hope as a widowed mother of five, I am certain (because she told me later) was to have some peace and quiet in her home. Needless to say, her words of advice along with my acute observations of my older siblings who did not heed her wisdom and the resulting consequences of their actions, had a very strong impact upon my personality. I am a fairly quiet person!
Somewhere in between these two pieces of advice must be a balance right? Amy Carmichael once wrote that before she spoke she would ask herself three little questions: “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” this gave me some comfort! Speaking (communicating) is a good thing, a God given thing. But it does come with some responsibility and that means it is to be thoughtful! These three questions help me stay within the lines of God’s character, and His will for me as given in His word.
Is it true? One of God’s commandments given to the Israelites was : “thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” (Exodus 20:16) Did you know that our tongues and the words we speak come directly from our hearts? (Matthew 15:17-20) when you and I engage in conversation it is very revealing as to what rules our hearts! While speaking with others do we lack in the truth factor? Do we impute motives where we are not sure because we have not bothered to check the facts or maybe the story or information sounds better if said this way versus the truth? Paul exhorts all Christians to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).
Which brings me to the second question; Is it kind? Is love the motivation for what is being said? Not the world’s definition of love but God’s definition of love. I Corinthians 13:4-8 ; “patient and kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. When measured by God’s standard of love I find myself falling short most of the time. However, for those rare times when what I am about to say passes the litmus test of the first two questions, it is that third question that compels me to be silent.
Is it necessary? Once again I am challenged within my heart to examine my desires. What motivates my speech (conversation)? Is it necessary according to my own selfish desires? “I must be heard on the matter”, “I am right they are wrong and the matter must be rectified” Is every single detail important? Psalm 52:4 stops me in my tracks often; “you love all devouring words you deceitful tongue!”. Our words do have a purpose, they are to build each other up not to tear each other down!
May I encourage you dear friend? Take some time out of your day today (do not put it off til another day) to do a personal study in God’s word on the tongue. Here are some helpful places to start:
Psalm 5:9; 10:7; 12:4; 139:4 Proverbs 10:20; 10:31; 15:4; 18:21; 21:23
These are just a tiny fraction of what our faithful Father in heaven has to say about our tongues. I will warn you, be prepared to change the way you speak to others (especially those you love)! I know my habits have changed drastically over the last twenty years.
Blessings from your sister,
Susan