Dear Sister,
Disappointment. Deep disappointment. Wallowing in the pit of dismay. That is where the news of the day has found us. We did not lose anything tangible, just a dream. The object of years of hard work has proved elusive yet again and likely forever. Now where? Now what? Lord, we feel like we are standing in front of a locked door (locked on the opposite side), in a dark space. Deflated, depressed. Even amongst great blessing.
As we struggle with these feelings of discontent, I search the lives of individuals in the Bible and I find Rachel struggled as well. She was beautiful, wealthy, the recipient of amazing love; but she had not achieved the epitome of a blessed woman of her time. She had not birthed a son. All was hollow to her without that achievement. She even risked the ire of the man who loved her, the man she was dependent on for everything on earth. Eventually, she had her sons—along with robust sides of conniving and resultant rampant jealousy in her family.
I’m not saying Rachel was wrong in desiring children, but the pursuit of her dream was relentless and her priority above all else. I contrast her battle with that of Hannah’s in I Samuel 1. Where Rachel schemed, Hannah prayed. While Rachel pushed her agenda and forced her way, Hannah waited and kept praying. Both women achieved the object of their pursuit, but Hannah is lifted up as an example of humility and longsuffering and she had the blessings of the Lord and her husband. Rachel’s victories finally tasted as dust in her mouth, for in the birthing room, “It came about as her soul was departing (for she died), that she named him Ben-oni; but his father called him Benjamin.” Gen. 35:18. (Ben-oni: “the son of my sorrow”) Rachel realized her goal, but only in death and with great heartache.
Ironically, another Benjaminite learned what his ancestor did not. In writing to the Corinthians, Paul reports that he prayed and wrestled with God three different times that his “thorn in the flesh” might be taken away. God’s reply was not what we would have expected for His faithful servant and great miracle worker, “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” II Cor. 12:9. He did not just accept defeat, but boasted in it, because that thorn was the receptacle through which God’s grace and power would flow.
We keep asking to be shown His way forward, but resort to gnashing our teeth when our way is thwarted, instead of turning to seek His guidance. We continue to regret the demolition of dreams, instead of rejoicing over the broken seeds from which God is using to grow beautiful fruit.
Throughout history, God’s will was accomplished—Rachel played her part in having children that were included in the 12 tribes of Israel; and Hannah gave birth to Samuel, the great judge of Israel. God’s plan is always fulfilled, He weaves with the threads of our lives—whether we are obstinate or not. We may be woven beneath his tapestry for long periods, but we are still used. We cannot always choose how or where we are woven, but we can offer Him the brightness of our colors, the attitude of our hearts.
So, excuse me while I go play ‘Wonder Woman’ with the kids (complete with flying cape). We are rejoicing over our squashed dream—for God is using it to shower us with His grace and to show us His power. Amen!
Running with you,
Rebecca