Dear sister,
~I had gotten the email Sunday morning Thailand time. It shocked me to the core. While living in Virginia I worked with an amazing Young Life staff who taught me how to meet teens where they were at. There was one couple in particular who just exuded a love for Christ and each other that I had yet to see elsewhere. They were magnets to teens seeking joy and peace in the throws of high school chaos and awkwardness. The husband came home from work that day to have lunch with his wife and brand new baby girl. He just loved his family and wanted to spend some extra precious minutes with them. On the way back to work the authorities believe the sun blinded him and he ran off the road and was killed. My heart broke for his wife, precious girl, and all those who knew him. But the real tears came as I helped lead worship at church that morning with the song “God is so Good”. At that moment, I did not believe those words and I left in tears.
~I woke up from the anesthesia hearing my name being called. A few seconds later tears filled my eyes as I realized the beloved twins that once were alive inside me, were now gone. I still feel the ache and tears now fill my eyes as I type.
How as Christians do we grieve to the glory of God? Do we plaster a grin and say we are “fine”? Do we fake it till we make it? Is that what this Christian life is about? Only good things should happen to believers, never sad, confusing or hurtful times? Oh sweet sister, the Bible is full of grieving people…even the Lord Jesus himself grieved…even God the Father grieved at the death of his Son! Yes, there is a way to grieve to the glory of God that does not minimize our hurt and pain.
We first need to realize that death was not in the original Garden of Eden. Sin was not there. So when we grieve death, we do so rightly. Death is the result of sin that came from Adam’s disobedience to God which carries with it the curse of death to all who followed in life. It reminds us that this world is broken. Yet it is also a reminder that Christ came to CONQUER death! Death has been and will be defeated. It was slain at the cross and we wait for Christ to come again and stop the dragon’s final fatal spasms.
So as Christians, death hits us hard as we know that it is a result of a sin laden earth. We grieve because of the destruction it brings. So let the tears and groans come. Know the Father grieves too. But do not grieve without hope.
- Be honest with what you are feeling:
- The psalms are full of examples; let them guide you (Ps 13, 22, 38, 42, 55, 59, 61, and 88). Bring your grief to the Lord, he above all understands what it means to grieve.
- Seek Godly comfort:
- It will be easy to run to the TV, food, exercise, memories, music, work, or other people but they will not give you lasting comfort. Jesus Christ is our lasting comfort as He is the one who conquered death by dying and rising again! Run to Him above all else. Yes, you can use the others as tools, but not your respite. Christ is your ultimate comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-4).
- Resist Temptations:
- You will be vulnerable when you are in grief. Resist the temptation to doubt God’s goodness, mercy, grace, and love. You may not feel like He is those things but remember He never changes. Be careful not to be angry with God, envy others who have not felt your grief, or fall into self-pity. Serve others.
- Use Your Resources:
- This is when we really need to lean into our church family for support. We need them to help us remember the Truth and not believe the lies. Read the Word. Read the Word. Read the Word. Even if you don’t feel like it.
- Remember your Blessings:
- The Lord does promise good out of all things. Actively look for them
I had never understood the pain of a miscarriage until I had one. Since that day, my heart aches for each couple who experiences this loss. I can grieve with them, cry with them, hurt with them, and offer them hope as one who understands what they are going through. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says that there is “a time for everything”, even a time to mourn, lose, die, and break down…but it also says there is a time to laugh, build up, and live. “There is a season for everything under the sun”. Yes grieve, but don’t stay there, let the Lord use you to then comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3). Grief is real, but so is the comfort of Christ.
Your sister in Christ,
Colleen