Smell the Roses

I wasn’t looking forward to writing this letter to you, dear sister.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to write but that I feel like the last thing I have wisdom in is seeking and having joy. I don’t feel joyful. Instead, I feel weak, angry, jaded, and even apathetic toward God and my faith. I find that I even brush away encouragement, preferring to selfishly insist on my own way and deal with certain situations on my own terms.

My dear sister, it is certainly easy to become discouraged in our walk with the Lord. We start to look at other people’s lives and say, “Why hasn’t that happened for me? Why is it that I’m not as strong as her? If I just had this one thing I would be happy, right?”

I’ve had to make a life-changing decision recently. I don’t particularly care for the permanence such decisions deliver. Having to choose between two distinct paths, knowing that to choose one is to forsake the other is slightly terrifying. So I’ve put off making a “real” decision. But now, certain events have demanded a legitimate answer to my painstaking question. What am I going to do?

As I began thinking through my decision, I realized that the decision I wanted to make and the decision I needed to make were not the same. I wanted to quit, to give up, and to run away. I kept telling myself it was too late for me to ever be “good enough.”

The decision I needed to make involves a lot of hard work, time, and discipline. My past never fails to remind me that I don’t have a good track record when it comes to discipline and perseverance. Why should this time be any different?

This dilemma has revealed one truth: I am weak. I am weak and I cannot be strong in my own power. But Nehemiah 8:10 reminds us, saying, “the joy of the Lord is our strength.”  While it is a comforting statement, it begs the question: how can I have strength, when I don’t have joy?

Joy comes from contemplating the beauty, glory, and love of God. How can we be sorrowful when pondering the majesty of a sunrise, or the might of the great oak trees? How can we be sad when we remember Christ’s sacrifice and His victory over sin and death? But I have neglected these wonders of late; my thoughts have fallen onto myself. Is it any wonder then that I have fallen into discontent and apathy?

To choose what I need over what I want may be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. But I know that what I need is what is ultimately going to bring glory to God. And contemplating that reality is what brings me joy, and in turn my strength.

I don’t know what you’re struggling with today, my dear sister, but in all things make sure you take the time to watch the sunset, revel in a thunderstorm, and well, smell the roses!

Pursuing a higher joy,

Kayla