Category: Truth

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Acceptance vs. Agreement

Dear sister,

“Love the sinner, hate the sin” bothers me. This phrase is used a lot in Christian circles and I understand why. Scripture commands us to love our enemy as much as we love ourselves (Matt. 5:43-45) and to hate sin as much as God does (Ps. 97:10), so the principle is there. But I don’t see this balance being lived out often. There is either the extreme shunning of the sinner because of their sin or the loving of the sinner while embracing their sin. There should be a way to truly love a person and yet at the same time not endorse their choices. I believe this is the difference between agreement and acceptance.

In our culture, any form of disagreement can easily be viewed as intolerance. To accept a person means you have to accept their behavior, but the acceptance I’m talking about can show love and grace while not wavering from the truth. A good example of this is with our family members. I’ve had to have conversations with loved ones who just wanted me to accept them by being okay with their sin. In those instances, I’ve had to make the distinction that I do accept and love them, but that I don’t have to agree with them in order to continue a relationship with them.

We shouldn’t have to compromise on our personal convictions and we shouldn’t have to burn bridges either. Sometimes this means creating boundaries, which is not the same as burning bridges. Boundaries motivated by love help to maintain the relationship. It’s not easy …  it takes both truth and grace to grow a relationship. There are people in my life, especially family members, that I will love no matter what! We may not always agree and I may not like the choices they make, but that will not lessen my love for them by any means.

There will be times when we have to make the hard decision on when to let go of a relationship or where to draw the line. For me, I think the goal is always to maintain a loving relationship and build bridges. After all, it’s hard to speak the truth to someone you don’t have a relationship with. It is not loving to let people live in sin and believe the lie that no harm will ever come of it.  It takes trust in a relationship to speak truth in love. Any unwanted advice comes off as criticism and if the relationship is not strong or close, truth comes off as judgment. But we speak the truth because we love people, even if it means losing a relationship. That’s why, if agreement cannot be reached, it sometimes is best to just reach a point of peace, realizing you will always love and accept them, but cannot entirely agree with them. This is why we pray for true repentance.  We are to love the sinner, speak the truth, and trust God will continue the work He started.

In Christ,

Karlie

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Truth That Does Not Lie

Dear Sister,

These days truth seems to be relative. We live in a world that says truth is defined by how you feel and no one can say we are wrong because his or her truth is not our truth. We act according to what feels good in the circumstance. If we are attracted to the same sex, then it must be OK because it feels good. If we don’t feel like going to work or school we can just skip it. If we fell out of love with our husband than we can divorce him because the Lord wants us to be happy. If we want to be married or have children then the Lord must give them to us because that is what will make our heart happy. If it is that time of the month then we can be curt and short with those we love because we feel like it. After all, we don’t want to lie to others about how we feel.

But this is not truth. Truth does not change and waver with the weather. Unchangeable truth comes from God and His word. That is what we need to base our truth, not our feelings and emotions.

Emotions are a tricky thing. Our creator experiences emotions, but he experiences them without the stain of sin. His feelings do not control him. But we are stained by sin and are often controlled by our emotions. The Father of Lies will tie our emotions to changeable circumstances so we forget to call upon the unchangeable realities of God and His truth to define the truth of our feelings. Instead of saying, “Wow, I feel totally alone right now, yet I know that the Bible says God is always near.” We say, “Wow, I feel totally alone right now, so God must have abandoned me”. Instead of saying, “The Lord has given me this job or husband because He loves and takes care of me”, we say, “Wow, the Lord really blew it when He gave me this job or husband”. Instead of saying, “I know that I have feelings toward this other woman, but I know that the Lord said it is sinful and He will help me through this sexual confusion”, we say, “Wow, this woman makes me feel like no man ever could so it must be right”.

So, how do we know what is truth and what is untruth (lies) as we go through this life of relative truth tied to emotions? Oh sister, it is going to take work. Hard work. We have to prepare for the fight before it happens. We have to study the character of God that is true and right to fight the feelings that come dancing with our circumstances. We have to talk to ourselves with the truth of God’s Word, rather than listen to our feelings. We need to memorize scripture, have a list of people we can call to tell us the truth when we don’t know how to act on our feelings. We need to go to church to hear the Word of God preached. This needs to be an offensive war, not a reactive one. And like everything, it starts with resting in the gospel afresh. Preach to yourself the gospel each morning: which is that as a result of having let your feelings dictate your life instead of God’s word, you deserve the wrath of God. But Jesus in His mercy took the punishment of your misused feelings for you on the cross. Then when He rose again he credited you his righteousness, including his perfect emotions, forever! Your sins are forgiven! These are facts. This is THE truth. Just because you don’t FEEL forgiven doesn’t erase the FACT that you are forgiven in Christ. So sister, fight the changeable lies with the unchangeable truth of the gospel. God and His word can be trusted! His word is reliable. He is good. And no matter what you are facing, despite how you feel, He will never leave or forsake you.

Your Sister,

Colleen