Category: Loneliness

Posted on

The Loneliest Place In The Universe

Dear Sister,

Sometimes loneliness feels like a deep, gnawing ache. Sometimes it feels like drowning. Either way, it’s one of the most painful experiences of this fallen world. A New Testament scholar once called it “the most dehumanizing thing one can ever experience.” So, my sister, my heart breaks for you. I hope to bring you some comfort.

The good news is that the pain of your loneliness communicates something that is theologically true: we were not made to be alone. Being human means being in relationship. This is because we are made in the image of God, who is relational in his very being. He is Triune. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit exist in an eternally blessed, overflowingly joyous and satisfied relationship of love with one another.

You, my sister, are created to also experience an eternally blessed, overflowingly joyous and satisfied relationship of love with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But the bad news is that there is a barrier to that relationship. It’s called sin.
You experience loneliness because man’s perfect communion with God was severed at the Fall on account of Adam and Eve’s rebellion against him. Everyone since then has experienced the pain and loneliness of that separation. Still more bad news is that your own personal sins have added to the dilemma. The Lord says in Isaiah, “your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear” (59:2). And there is nothing you can do to make it right. It is the ultimate desperate and lonely situation.

But there is Good News: God, being rich in compassion and mercy, broke down the barrier, at great cost to himself. He laid all the sin that separated you from enjoying perfect fellowship with him upon the Son. And thus the cross became the loneliest place in the universe. Jesus, who had never once experienced the pain of separation from his heavenly Father cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46) as his Father, having “eyes too pure to look upon evil (Habakkuk 1:13) turns his face away from the One who “became a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). Jesus became a curse. He was de-humanized so that we could be truly human again and live in relationship with the Triune God.

My sister, turn to the One who knows loneliness better than anyone else. Don’t be like me, who too often tries to heal the gnawing ache and the suffocation of loneliness by turning to distractions, food, or to fantasies about how marriage will cure it all. Turn to the One who is the cure, to the One who embraces you in perfect, satisfying love. We live in a fallen world and will still experience loneliness, but we take comfort in knowing that God, in Christ, has broken down the barrier. If you ever doubt it, look to the cross. May our Lord bring you his peace and comfort in your time of deep emotional pain.

Love, your sis,
Sarah

And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.—Mark 15:38

Posted on

A Blessing In Disguise

My Dearest Sister,

​When we think of loneliness, usually our immediate response is that it is negative. We usually cite Genesis 2:18 or Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and say that God did not intend for us to be alone. While it is true that God created us as social beings who are designed to function better together rather than by ourselves, the truth is you can still feel lonely without actually being alone. Have you ever been surrounded by people, even those who you know love and care about you, and yet still feel that heavy void overwhelm you? I certainly have. As a military wife, loneliness is just sort of a regular occurrence. Every time I say goodbye to my husband, even if it is just for a short training exercise, I feel that weighty, gaping void settle in my chest. Yes, it certainly helps to surround myself with other believers who can uplift and encourage me, but I still struggle with feelings of loneliness nonetheless. I can only imagine how my fellow military sisters who are facing their third, fourth, or even fifth deployment feel. The truth is God never said that loneliness would be absent from our lives. In fact, sometimes it can even be a blessing in disguise.

​My first personal experience with that overwhelmingly deep loneliness came when Isaac joined the Army several years ago. We had been married less than a year and the program he was in required a total training time of four months, a daunting hurdle to a newlywed who had never been apart from her husband. I reassured myself that I was strong and could handle the separation, however when he finally departed nothing could prepare me for the ensuing loneliness that would consume me day and night. Even though I moved in with family during that time I still felt very alone. I constantly battled against the deep ache of missing my closest companion, longing for something more than the five minute phone calls every few weeks. Finally, in complete desperation I cried out to God, pouring out my pain at His feet, and asking Him to fill that deep loneliness that was eating away at my spirit. I began studying the Bible every morning, praying to Him, and just spending time fellowshipping with my heavenly Father.

​And do you know what happened? I noticed an immediate change in my ability to cope with missing my husband. I still felt the pangs of loneliness but they weren’t nearly as strong as before. You see, I hadn’t realized just how much I had been neglecting my relationship with God; Sadly, other things had become more important to me than spending some one-on-one time with the Lord of my life. Because God is immensely powerful and holy, I think it became easy for me to forget that He is also our intimate friend and companion. He wants us to depend on Him for guidance, turn to Him for reassurance, and cry out to Him for comfort. Sometimes that deep aching void we call loneliness is simply a sign that we need to pursue the Lord first, above all of our other relationships. Not only will doing so strengthen our faith and our testimony but sister, it is the only way we will find lasting comfort and peace. Strong marriages, faithful friends, and a loving churches are great to have and we should definitely pursue them, but nothing can replace that constant kinship that we find in our Lord’s presence.

​I know that sooner or later Isaac will probably get his orders for deployment. And while the thought of the immense loneliness that comes with it used to terrify me, I now know that it will be a remarkable opportunity to lean even more on my heavenly Father, to become even stronger in my faith. I cannot fathom the depths of loneliness that have been felt by some of my fellow military wives who have been through multiple deployments or even lost their husbands in combat, but I do know one thing: they are some of the strongest, most God-loving women I have ever known. So don’t despair if you are facing a season of loneliness in your life, my sister. Instead, seize that ache in your heart as an opportunity to grow closer to your heavenly Father. Not only is He the only One who can completely fill that void, but His is also the most important relationship you will ever pursue.

​“Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your wise counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is none upon the earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”​- Psalm 73: 23-26

In His Love,

Lauren
​

Posted on

Whom Have I?

Dear Sisters,

“‘My God, My God, Why have You forsaken Me?’” Mark 15:34b.
At the instant of His separation, Jesus cried out in anguish: “Why?”
His cry rang out from the top of that desolate hill, not because He did not know the answer, rather because the shock of being alone was so severe, His soul reacted much like we would when lost and completely alone. Initially the pain of aloneness is too glaring and sharp to enable us to express more complex thoughts and emotions. The bleak condition of our soul’s bareness leaves us nothing to cling to except the basic knowledge that this singleness should not be so—thus the almost childlike wail, “Why?!”

The answer to Jesus’ question (and ours, if we are honestly alone, (not as a direct result of our sin), has resonated throughout all time: “Because I have something better for you.” That begs another question: What could be better than the Trinity? Nothing. Nothing can improve the Godhead—certainly not a fallen creature such as myself. Yet, our loving Savior immersed in glorious relationship abandoned that eternal union for me—for you. Because we could not save ourselves. Because God loved us and wanted us to be with Him. He was willing to endure separation and sin (who knew neither) to redeem His creation—so He could save us from our utter and eternal loneliness. So He could enjoy communion with us forever. Delight in that: forever together!

Today, dear sister, hear Jesus’ cry echo through the ages. He knows loneliness. When you weep bitter tears of solitude, you can know that He intimately identifies with your suffering. Though all others may desert you, your soul can rest in everlasting peace and contentment because of Jesus’ willing embrace of loneliness for your sake. That never-ending union is the ultimate victory.
“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
–Psalm 73:25-26

Running with you,
Rebecca

Posted on

No More Lonely Charades

Dear sister,

I have oftentimes felt lonely during certain seasons of my life. I have felt like I couldn’t be my true self because I was convinced that those I most wanted to be accepted by would reject me. This view of others was not a biblical one; it was not even a realistic one! It was only a fear that I allowed to be developed within my own heart.

In the summer of 2010, I spent two months away from home at a summer training program in Pigeon Forge, TN. I was with a group of like-minded believers from schools all over the southeast. There were lots of new faces and I felt lost among them. I felt like they wouldn’t accept me because I was raised differently, went to a different kind of church, and wasn’t as cool and comfortable around new people as others seemed to be. At that time, I was shy and very much NOT comfortable in my own skin. Now add to that an already introverted personality and you’ve got the recipe for feelings of loneliness.

I feared rejection and feared letting these new people into my life. As a result I tried wearing a mask that showed I was cool and confident, secure in Christ and ready for any adventure. It worked for a while, but by the end of the first six weeks (and , were only eight) I was weary of the charade.

In Genesis 2:18, God declares, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Up until this point, everything that God had made he had declared good but it was not good that Adam had no companion. So God brought the creatures to Adam to have him name them but “there was not found a helper fit for him.” (Gen. 2:20) As humans, we need more than just a dog or a cat to keep loneliness at bay; we need to be experiencing intimate relationships with other human beings.

That summer was a breakthrough for me in that the Lord became my confidence and Christ became my identity. I no longer had to fear what people thought of me because I knew I was accepted by Christ—and isn’t that all that really matters when you have eternity in view?

Dear sister, if you are struggling with loneliness, take these truths to heart. You are accepted by the King and He loves you intimately. He loves you so much that He gave up His only Son for you so that He could claim you as His own. You are 100% secure in Christ and you cannot be lost. Never let fear of rejection or feelings of inadequacy triumph over this truly amazing love that Christ has for you. He will not give you up.

Under His wing,

Kayla

Posted on

Loneliness Birds

Dear Sister,
Adam and Eve felt it. Noah felt it. Job definitely felt it. Poor Jeremiah felt it too. Loneliness. Adam and Eve felt it after that first bite of forbidden fruit, the close fellowship they had with the Lord was gone. Noah built the first boat for the first rain to the decades of jeers from family, friends, and strangers. Job lost every creature comfort in a matter of days (except for his complaining wife) oblivious to the heavenly battle brewing above. Jeremiah was put in a cistern, cooked over feces, and was even put in an oxen yoke as he followed the Lord.

Me? I felt it as a scrawny, curly redheaded, braces clad, and bifocaled girl who never quite fit in with any crowd. I felt it when tumultuous times came and I had no safe person to confide in or run to for help. Loneliness birds hover when my husband deploys…again. How about you? What makes you feel loneliness…that tight ache in your belly and heart that twists and pounds for comfort and understanding from a friend? Do you ever feel alone in a crowded room? Stay there for a second…what are we really longing?

The Lord, Creator of us and the entire Universe, made us to long for fellowship. We were created to long for Him and for other humans. Just look at Adam! He had a perfect world and relationship with God yet God said that it was not good for him to be alone…and He created Eve. A helper. A friend. A fellow sojourner. When we don’t have either of these relationships, loneliness birds begin to hover. We long for sweet fellowship to shush them away. We are lonely.

Loneliness in itself is not a sin. It is a feeling and emotion that Adam, Eve, Noah, Job, Jeremiah, and many fellow believers have felt (and feel)…in fact, Jesus felt it in the garden when His closest friends fell asleep on Him in is most desperate hour. He felt it on the cross when the Father poured His wrath on Him. Yet there is a difference in how we as believers respond to loneliness and how the world responds.

The world often tells us to turn inward. Get a cup of coffee, take these pills, go shopping, be independent and do life for yourself. Oh the lie!! Scripture tells us to turn outward! Look to the Lord! Cry out to Him! Serve others! Grab a Starbucks…but take a friend with you, or pay for the person behind you. Jesus died on the cross to restore the relationship with God that was lost in the garden. Our sin was paid for there! Completely! Now we have access to the Father through Him! We have fellowship with the same God that walked with Adam, Noah, Job, and Jeremiah! Wow!! We are never separated from God again after we trust in Christ! No more loneliness birds! Ever! Yet we forget. That’s when our fellowship with believers is so crucial! Embed yourself sweet sister into your local church. Lean into your brothers and sisters in Christ when you feel alone. They are there to remind you of what you have in Christ. They are there to hold up your arms to fight loneliness when your strength is gone. Don’t turn inward, turn outward!
One last thing…if your own loneliness birds have flown the coop…look around, who needs your fellowship and help to make their birds fly?

Your Sister in Christ,
Colleen