Category: Fear

Letters whose topic focuses on Fear

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Scary Requirements

Dear sisters,

I was born in 1948. That makes me 70 years old this year. None of my decade birthdays bothered me much, but this year is different. I didn’t mind being in my 60s, but 70 seems old somehow. I don’t feel old. It just sounds old. My life flashes before me in all its fullness, joys and sadness, ease and difficulty, without Christ, in Christ. And I think of the future more these days. I think of my 95-year-old mother and all the things I did for her as her caregiver and I wonder who will care for me if God gives me that many years. My daughter has special needs. She won’t be caring for me.

God requires many things of us, some posing as choices with various consequences, depending on our choosing. Some are imposed. We have no choice. Some are easy if our personalities lend themselves to the required behavior. Other demands are more difficult and require much chiseling and refining from God’s hand. And occasionally God insists we undergo circumstances which are downright scary.

When I called 911 the other morning, I expected to follow the ambulance in about half an hour, knowing it would take awhile to get a patient situated in the emergency room. Had I not done this countless times? Little did I realize this would be the last time for my mama. I knew the symptoms were different, but I hoped against hope the doctors would fix it like every other time. As I prepared to get in the car, my phone rang and I immediately knew that on this occasion my husband would have to accompany me—and I was scared. And now, after that fateful and fearful day, I’m still afraid (when my thoughts become unharnessed from captivity to Christ’s truths), afraid of my unbidden and uncontrollable sobs, afraid of recurring black thoughts in the night hours, afraid of too-real dreams, afraid for my future, afraid of unknown prospects for the rest of my family and loved ones.

Those of you who have watched death in all its horrors head-on know the severing, the cutting in the heart, in the surroundings. Breathing and alive—and then the still chest and motionless body—all from one moment to the next. The beautiful blue eyes which warmed our hearts were closed, never to see this creation, this family, in this form, again.

Don’t tell me death is just passing from this life to the next. Well, actually that is what happens at the moment, but no matter how peaceful, no matter how much we believe the truths of the gospel and the promise of the glorious resurrection of our bodies, no matter that, for the believer, absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, death is ugly and an enemy—and enemies are frightening, in spite of how much preparation against them, no matter how much time we have to steady ourselves, no matter how much skill the undertaker plies.  When it happens, the shuddering and sobs, even primal anguish begin, and we are never fully ready for the amputation from our lives, the phantom pain which continues long after the initial loss. We come home and the symbols of life are everywhere. I open a drawer and there lie her pills. In the frig, her orange marmalade and queso. Her chair where her beautiful head once rested, now empty. The side table still holds her Bible, Tabletalk, and latest book she was reading. Her nightgown hangs in its usual place and her walker seat compartment reveals her glasses where she had just placed them the night before her breath was taken. I take out four forks to set the table before remembering we need only three.

This is not how it was supposed to be way back when God formed Adam from the dust of the ground which He had spoken into being just a few days before. Everything was perfect and death was barely a concept to that first man and his mate, until the tree, the fruit, the great deceiver and underminer…Then fear came into his heart, fear in living and fear in dying, never the original design, and he was banished from perfection and life in that lush garden forever while time remains.

I’m scared of death, the process, the missing, everything preceding and succeeding for the victim and the remaining living. But, if I were to leave you there it would be tragic and hopeless and frightening indeed. God warns us of the horrors of the final, universal humiliation (Hannah Anderson speaks beautifully of this in “Humble Roots”), but He gives us the remediation, the balm, the victory in the midst of great trepidation and sorrow. In John 11:25, Jesus comforts his dear friend, Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die [spiritually].” Therefore, for the Christian, in the middle of terrifying events for one’s self and for the in-Christ loved-one, there remains a joy and a victory based on the sovereign power, goodness, and control of Almighty God.  This final event will come, but He walks through it with us, and He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.

And then, Jesus says to Martha, after His resurrection promises and condolences, “Do you believe this?”

Oh, my sister and friend, how do we answer the Lord’s query? If this is not true, if our belief is not based in fact, we are undone in the face of death. But it is true. Christ is proof. Trust Him in the middle of grief and tears and confusion. His inexplicable peace will fill your soul and your shudders will subside and find rest and refuge in the One who walked this path to death, then resurrection, in front of us, in complete victory.

As for me, I believe what Jesus said, wholeheartedly believe it. But I also believe that there is a generation who will not taste death and I long to be in that company.  Jesus is coming back and “…we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore, encourage one another with these words.” (1 Thessalonians 4:15-18)

Fear is meant for our good. It means to warn and keep our lives straight. It means to drive us to Christ, the One who alone can relieve the deep-seated fears of our souls by His grace. John Newton says it well. “Twas grace that taught my heart to fear—and grace my fears relieved…”

At the graveside, as we sat and reminisced and wept, my shy adult daughter with special needs astounded us all when she commanded, yes, commanded us to all turn and face the box in which my mama’s body lay. Then, in her broken way of speaking, reminded us all, “Grandma not here. Grandma get new body. Grandma with Jesus. Remember that.”

Yes, I am afraid of the death process. It can hurt. It’s not pretty. But, like everything God ordains in our lives, He gives grace in the journey, in the moment, in the final place. He never leaves. He never forsakes. Right up to the end. And then, our eyes are truly opened and we are safer than we have ever been. Completely and forever safe, never afraid again.

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

Your sister,

Cherry

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From Fear to Gratitude

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My dear sister,

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God, Whose Word I praise, In God I trust; I shall not Be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”          Psalm 56:3-4

I’ve always been a bit of a scaredy- cat about many things. As a child it was chickens (that’s a story!) and being zipped up in duffle bags by mean bullies (good reason).  I was also afraid of leprosy (another mission field experience!). I knew I would contract it and would be sent away to a leper colony forever. My childhood fears gave way to big-girl terrors, fueled by more education and endless reading about the various things which were feared. The biggest anxiety in life was contracting a terminal illness, especially cancer. It hung over the head like Cicero’s Sword of Damocles. Most human  odds were against it due to a good diet, exercise, heritage, etc., etc., or so I tried to make myself believe, yet the fears seemed unconquerable.

We are told that most of what we fear never happens, so quit fearing, they say. And yet, God ordained cancer in my body in 2008.  How ironic, I thought…The fear of the getting was gone. It was here, in all it’s terrifying prognosis. The diagnosis was a dual cancer, aggressive, Stage 3.  The odds of survival were given, with and without this treatment or that.  We opted for the plan which included many rounds of chemotherapy and intense external and internal radiation. The risks of the treatments alone were cause for trepidation.

God’s Word says to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) Easier said than done…Yet God takes our greatest fears and transforms them into His teaching tools for all sorts of deficiencies in our lives. “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes. The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces.” (Psalm 119:71-72)

It would be false to tell you the remedies were easy to endure. The fatigue was unlike any other-immobilizing.  Radiation was worse than the chemotherapy. Exactly fourteen days after chemo started, alone in my bathroom, I began pulling huge clumps of hair from my head.  I wept. Then God reminded me He had numbered the hairs on my head and now He was subtracting them for a season. Scripture came alive to my heart in a new way and I was comforted…More valuable than sparrows…

It has been eight and a half years since that diagnosis–a difficult journey with many more scares and procedures along the way, but God has given gentle mercy in giving life, not death, at this time.  The oncologist pronounced me “cured” last year, adding, “I don’t get to say that often.” (Time will tell.) And I said, “All glory to God.”

The best part of cancer, that fearful friend, is the work of God in the soul. He took away the dread of death and replaced it with a longing to see Jesus. He gave a deep love for Christ not known  before; He gave an overwhelming desire to know Him and to be satisfied with Himself above all healing. He gave a deep and empathetic compassion for others who suffer physically and emotionally. Widows and the depressed and the ill have special places in the heart.

God chose cancer, that greatest dread, to teach the sweetest things about His steadfast love, His patience, His tender care. He placed within the soul a deep longing for His return for us–His special people–those whom He has redeemed from their sin to be His very own possession. The greatest fear became a great gift, not to be traded for any earthly desire. We do not often learn God’s lessons for us in the best of times. Suffering is His hard schoolroom and He is the most excellent teacher…for our good…for His glory.

And so, today, prayers for those who are suffering take up pages in a prayer journal.  And they go something like this:

Oh God of gentle and severe mercies,
Please comfort raw hearts, confused hearts, terrified hearts.
Wrap your arms around those of your children as they sleep, as they wake, as they go through lonely days of missing a spouse or longing for better days.
Lift their faces to Jesus.
Give them purpose outside themselves, to reach out to others who are grieving in various losses.
Dear Father, who understands all our sorrows and anxieties and panics, let these people know how very close You are to us, how You have ordained all things in our lives.
Teach them about Your always goodness.
Grant the desire to know You and love You more deeply than physical, emotional, or mental healing, (but please heal in Your good and perfect will.)
Break cycles of besetting sins.
May thoughts be brought captive to the obedience of Christ.
May Your glory be on display whether You give life or death.
Surround each one with loving, godly and gentle people who will nurture and care for needs, who will pray and encourage in the things of Christ.
And for those who do not belong to Christ, those who are helpless without You, give them Yourself, grant them repentance and faith in the One who alone can satisfy their deepest need for forgiveness of sin and eternal life by knowing Jesus.

A hymn-writer has penned:

“Whate’er my God ordains is right: though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet am I not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.”

Job suffered greatly with the loss of his children and his property, yet he was able to say, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” During his suffering he was able to avow, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust Him.” And at the end of this great trial, after God took his good health and gave him friends and a spouse who were less than nurturing or encouraging, he affirmed God’s sovereignty over all things and proclaimed, “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,  but now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.” God gave Job the gift of Himself and he was changed.

Jesus tells us in John 16:33. “…In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

And my prayers end with–“You, O God, are the great King of all kings, the Lord of all lords. You, alone, are worthy to be worshipped and praised. No matter what happens to us, You remain good, always good. ”

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of suffering. To Him alone be glory.

With love,
Cherry

 

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He Fights for His Own

Dear sister,

May I tell you a story? The story of a young girl…

She hid behind a living room chair and waited out the burst of anger inflicted on a sibling by an adult who was hurting too. Fear rose up in her from this early memory…and stayed with her. It stayed when she thought she had to be a perfect student, afraid of failing. It plagued her when she wondered if she’d win the races, so she pushed herself harder than most. Would her worth be questioned if she lost? The fear became a friend that motivated her to succeed at a prestigious private school, and the fear led her to believe that God had abandoned her when life got difficult. Was she really not loveable? Was she not working hard enough, being a ‘good enough’ Christian, sister, friend, daughter…etc., etc.?

That was me, until the perfect love of Christ won over. 18 There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love –1 John 4:18. Perfect love pushed the pesky fear out of the dark corners of my heart, exposed the ‘lies, whys, what- ifs, maybes and shoulds’. Do you entertain these demanding houseguests too? They are no longer welcome at my home, though they still come calling. It’s better for me to look through the peephole and keep the door closed!

A dear friend confided in me once that she realized that most, if not all of her actions were motivated by fear, not love. What a telling and convicting comment. Can you relate? Why do we do what we do? Are our actions a result of love more often, or of fear? I am no different than this friend, but I have come quite a long way. Oh may we all search our hearts to see if Christ, or the enemy, is winning the battle over our lives!

I’ll leave you with two of my favorite verses on this topic… and the context of when they became dear to me.

When I lay on my sick bed in Ghana, fighting a possibly fatal bout of malaria, God seared Isaiah 41:10 on my heart. “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.”

And another sickness, when I lay in a hospital bed in Colorado, having been diagnosed with a condition that shamed (at the time) and confused me, bills left unpaid, friends and family scattered, and life looking hopeless… I heard the words of my Savior. He promised to fight for me when I could not fight. From Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

He will fight for you, sister, and gain the victory over your fears. You are not alone, and you need not fear. Not now, not ever. Our strong and mighty God is able to hold you, comfort you, and bring you safely home.

In Christian love,
Ruth

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The Bondage and Blindness of Fear

 

My Dearest Sister,

 

Do you remember learning to swim when you were a kid? You learned in the shallow end first, trying to figure out how to coordinate kicking and paddling with keeping your head above water. A parent was probably right there with you, holding you up and cheering you on. Once you had the shallow end figured out though, it came time to move on to the deep end. For me, I remember standing at the edge of the pool, looking into the deep water just beyond my toes and being terrified I would just sink right to the bottom. My dad was in the water, holding out his arms, encouraging me to jump. He assured me he would be right there to keep me safe. But still, I was afraid. I wanted to leap right in and prove that I could swim but I just couldn’t force myself to move. Fear of not being able to swim had petrified me. Eventually I did jump and my dad caught me like he promised. However, I distinctly remember that crippling feeling of fear that had caused me to doubt, both in my ability to swim and my dad’s ability to protect me.

Fears, even our silly childhood ones, are powerful aren’t they? They makes us feel weak and helpless. When allowed to run rampant, our fears become a form of bondage. They can even hinder our faith. You see, when we give in to fear, it keeps us from living life like we serve a sovereign God who has our good in mind. That is why fear is one of the devil’s favorite weapons against us, because it works so well at bringing us down and making us forget just how powerful our God really is. The good news is, we don’t have to believe these lies from the enemy. We can break free from the captivity of our fears by first remembering the truth of God’s word. Romans 8:15 says “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out ‘Abba, Father’.” Because of God’s marvelous grace in sending His Son to pay the price for our sins, He set us free from this bondage of fear by adopting us into His family. The word “Abba” here is a more intimate name for one’s father, like “Daddy” or “Papa”. To Him, we are not just some non-related adopted kid; we are His beloved children and He is our wonderful Daddy! And like a child who is afraid, all we have to do is cry out to our Father, our loving Papa, and He will come to our aid. Hebrews 13:5b-6 assures us of this as well: “For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” Unlike some earthly fathers, God will never walk out on His children. He will always be there to help us, not matter what we are up against.

One of my favorite stories about overcoming fear comes from 2 Kings 6:8-23. Here it is in a nutshell: The king of Syria was angry at Elisha for revealing the secret location of his army to Israel, so he sent a great army to the city where Elisha was staying. When Elisha’s servant woke up in the morning and saw this massive army with all their horses and chariots surrounding the city, he was terrified (I don’t blame him!). He runs to Elisha and says “Master! What are we going to do?” And I can imagine Elisha sitting there, maybe eating a bit of breakfast, and as calm as can be assures his servant that everything is going to be okay. He says in verse 16, “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” The passage goes on to say that “Elisha prayed, and said ‘Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.’ Then the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw. And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.” Wow! I love how amazingly powerful that story is! Elisha knew all along that God would protect him, never leaving or forsaking him. He knew the Lord intimately as his helper, his Abba Father, and so he had no need to fear, even when an entire army was against him.

Even though Elisha’s servant had probably seen some pretty amazing things in his time with this prophet of God, his first response to a daunting situation was driven by fear. He was so worried about the situation at hand that he forgot how powerful his master’s Lord was. When I am afraid I admit that I feel a lot like Elisha’s servant. My human weakness wants to focus on the source of my fear and doubt sets in. I become bound by it and panic like Elisha’s servant did. Even though I know God is powerful, my fear keeps me from being able to see it. So overcoming fear is not just about knowing God promises to never forsake us; It’s about looking past what we are afraid of so we can see that He has been there with us all along. I don’t want to be like Elisha’s servant and be blinded by my fears. I want to be like Elisha and be able to see God’s presence so clearly in my life, that there isn’t even a chance for me to feel afraid in the first place. I want to have that same unwavering confidence and faith that my Father is with me wherever I go, through whatever danger or struggle I face.

Beloved sister, if you are crippled by fear in your life and can’t see the army of protection God has around you, just cry out to Him like Elisha did for his servant. Cry out “Abba, Father!” and ask Him to open your eyes to see the truth of His protection and power. Ask Him to change your perspective to see things not with blinded human eyes, but through a spiritual lens where God’s presence is evident. As children of God, we shouldn’t live under the bondage of fear. Instead, we should embrace the freedom that our Father has provided for us, so that we may boldly declare “The Lord is my helper! I will fear no more!” We should be able to stand like a little child at the deep end of a pool and jump without a second thought, knowing that our Daddy – our beloved Abba – is there with outstretched arms waiting to catch us.

 

Your Unafraid Sister in Christ,

~ Lauren

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Casting My Fear

Dear sister,

I have a confession to make. (What else is new, right?) I have to confess to you that I spend more, if not most of my time, living in fear. Living in fear of the past, living in fear of the present, and living in fear of the future, in fear of the unknown. I know now, you’re saying, “But, Kayla, you have Jesus. You know Him personally. Why should you be afraid?” I don’t have a good answer. Only that I’m a sinner. And as a sinner I am naturally disposed to fear. I would rather live in fear of life (essentially) than put my trust wholly in a sovereign God. I know it’s silly and it doesn’t make sense, but there it is. Now I can hear you saying, “Oh but Kayla, our God is wholly trustworthy; He is sovereign; He knows the plans He has for you. He is with you; there is no need to fear.” I know. I really do. But even in the knowledge of that truth, doubts still arise. A part of me still says, “God won’t be faithful. He will forget about you. He will not bring His plans for you to fruition. Your faith is futile.” I am not God and because of this my knowledge is limited and I can only see my life from one vantage point—the present. I can look back on the past and see God’s hand in those things that I once did not understand but only because I am now in the present. I cannot see God’s hand at work presently because the future is still unknown. The unknown future will one day be the known present but in the meantime I find it hard to believe and hard to trust that God will bring it about because I can’t see how I am going to get there. And so, I’m fearful. I’m scared that it won’t work out, that maybe I won’t get married and I won’t raise a family; the two things that I am unquenchably longing for in my life.

If we read Scripture, it is overtly clear that God does not want us to live this way, dear sister! He doesn’t want us to be fearful. He wants us to trust! He wants us to cast ALL our anxieties on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5: 7). He doesn’t want us to worry but He wants us to bring all our requests to Him in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving (Philippians 4: 6-7). He tells us numerous times not to fear and commands us saying, “Do not be afraid.”

So, now I and possibly you as well have a decision to make, dear sister. We must choose now to forsake the temptation to fear because we are uncertain of how the future will work out. Instead we must cling to the precious promises of our God and Savior. We must trust that He will be faithful, that He will, as the popular hymn says, grant our desires through what He ordains. The exciting thing, dear sister, is that one of God’s attributes is faithfulness. It is a part of His character to be faithful and He cannot deny Himself. This means that God cannot be unfaithful ! It is impossible for Him to fail in His faithfulness to us! Revel in the knowledge of that truth!!! Forsake fear and trust in the faithfulness of our great and mighty God!

Under His wing,

Kayla