Category: Biblical Womanhood

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I Am Woman!!!

Dear sisters,

As I ruminate on this month’s topic of how biblical womanhood has affected my life, I have found myself pondering over my four decades of breath.  I must admit both my family and spiritual life have been quite an influence. My first understanding was that girls can do anything boys can do.  Then it changed into how I presented myself and whether I was married or not (a stereotypical function of a woman).  Next it was simply and only that I was an image bearer of God and follower of Christ. And finally, I am coming to realize that although God made me in His image equal in worth as a man, he designed for me different functions. And this function looks different as a single woman, married woman, mom, empty nester, or widow.

This journey began with me being born into a family with two older brothers, a dad, and a mom who is still a tomboy to this day. My mom came from a line of strong women who worked hard for the family as the men of the home struggled with alcoholism and holding a job.  She challenged me to play hard in sports, do well in school, and get a good job.  I never heard that my sex could keep me from achieving anything.

Regardless, I grew up desperately wanting to be a boy, so I could finally beat my brothers at something. I did manage (or was forced) to wear a dress to church every Sunday but wouldn’t be caught dead in one any other day of the week. The color pink for me was off-limits and my toy collection was Legos, Lincoln Logs, and Star Wars.  The idea of girls being different than boys was only mentioned by my parents so that my brothers wouldn’t hit me…to which they would reply, “she’s not a girl, she’s my sister!”  and then proceed to give me a “hurts donut.”

Then I attended a Bible school after high school.  Here I had a crisis of what it meant to be a biblical woman.  I was told how to do my hair, how to clean my shoes, that I had to wear dresses to learn, and that certain body functions were not allowed in the dorm. What?  The capstone was when I heard how many girls came to this school simply to get married rather than gain an education.  Being a biblical woman, it seemed, was how you presented yourself as well as being a wife and mother.  Huh. Something about that seemed off. I realized that being a wife and mom were biblical God-given gifts, but there had to be more than this stereotypical function to biblically define me as a woman.  What if I never got married?

I graduated the Bible school not married and I continued my education at a state school to get a degree in zoology.  I didn’t date.  I was focused on ministry in the local church and getting my diploma.  I can’t tell you how often I was asked, “When are you getting married?” or “Why aren’t you married”?  Most of these inquiries were from Christian people whom I know meant well, yet I couldn’t help wondering if they were implying that I was biblically not a complete woman unless I was married?  That didn’t seem right either.  God created me in His image, was I not complete in Christ alone?  Does biblical womanhood really mean I need to be married and have children?

It took almost another decade for me to discover what the bible really teaches about womanhood.  It begins in Genesis.  God created man, male and female, after His own image.  I have intrinsic worth because God made me!  So do you.  But wait, there is more.  God created Adam from the dust and breathed life into him.  God gave him the command to be a steward of all he had just created. Part of that stewardship was naming the animals.  Adam watched a parade of animals march by him, two by two, for probably what seemed like forever.  He saw each pair were the same…yet different.  We are told that there was not a companion suitable for Adam, so God put him asleep and formed Eve from his rib.  Not from his head to rule or from his feet to trample, but from his side, an equal companion!

What was Adam’s reaction? Was it a bro hug?  No, it was amazement and happiness.  This was a woman!  Equal in worth, yet we learn different in function and role.  God said this was good!  Eve was given the same intrinsic value of Adam, yet she also complimented him. He was made to lead, provide, protect, and love Eve.  She was made to help him emotionally, physically, and mentally as he led.  Adam and Eve were both necessary to reveal God’s glory. If this was not so, then why create male and female?  He could have stopped with just Adam, but he didn’t.

So, when I was a working single woman, I was no less incomplete. Scripture abounds with showing women thrive to the glory of God in their singleness. So my functional womanhood worked itself out as I used my gifts, service, and helper status in the local church.  Here I could love God and my neighbor to the glory of God as I serve the Lord emotionally, physically, and mentally as a woman.

Then God gifted me with my husband.  My functional single woman status changed to be his helper and companion.  At first this looked like me working to help him through seminary as well as joyfully submitting to him (OK, this is still a work in progress).  After seminary we started to have kids and so my functional role went from being a helper who also works, to being a mother who stays at home.  I have to remind myself often, that me not bringing home a paycheck does not mean my worth is less as a woman.  My intrinsic worth as an image bearer never changes, neither does my worth in Christ.  But functionally I am emotionally, physically, and mentally helping my husband and discipling my kids.  There will come a day when my kids are out of the house and I can work again if Barrett and I think that’s a wise decision.  There may even come a day when the Lord takes Barrett home.  What then?  Have I lost my biblical womanhood?  Absolutely not.

As I was teaching my daughter the differences between consonants and vowels today, I came across this analogy in her spelling book, “All people are either male or female. Each has strengths and weaknesses, and together we make up the human race.  We would not last long without each other.”  The analogy was trying to show that just like words cannot be made up of consonants or vowels alone, the human race would not survive with only male or females. God created male and female partners to compliment each other so that God’s full glory can be seen in our functional roles, no matter if you are single, married, a mom, work, unemployed, soldier, young or old.  When I realized that me being a woman has unique and special capacities that are different than a man and that they can be celebrated no matter what season I am in, I was overjoyed at God’s creative genius.

My journey of understanding biblical womanhood has been serpentine and at times, confusing. Yet God has used this sojourn to show me the brilliance of his creating man, both male and female after his own image and helping me to see the importance of my role.  I hope you do too.

Your sister in Christ,

Colleen

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I Am Woman …

Dear sisters,

I was in my early twenties when our country was experiencing a time of intense turmoil in the late 1960s and 70s. I followed the crowd, walking in protest marches dressed in a military camouflage jacket while my brother fought in a controversial war on the other side of the world in the dank jungles of Vietnam. Women were on a rampage, feminists burning their bras, sexual promiscuity rising to new heights, the stigma of babies born out-of-wedlock and divorce waning, rebelling against the social mores of two hundred years of tradition. And to the great shame of our nation Roe v. Wade was settled at the Supreme Court giving legal license to women to murder their made-in-the-image-of-God babies in wombs which were fashioned for safety and life, not gruesome extermination. Not really a feminist, I still sang lustily along with Helen Reddy and millions of others, “I am woman, hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore…No one’s ever gonna keep me down again…I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman…”, enjoying the elusive power the lyrics promised—And with Nancy Sinatra a few years before as she sang to some faceless man, “These boots were made for walking and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.” I had not thought of these catchy yet dangerous tunes for many years until reminded of them in a Bible Study recently as we discussed the counter-cultural truths of God’s design for womanhood. I was not a Christian way back in my twenties, nevertheless, much of what was going on repulsed me though I hypocritically pretended agreement. I was brought up the old way, the biblical way, and those God-given nesting and nurturing sensibilities were part of me. I had always wanted to love a man, be married, have babies (not that these are the sum total of—or even necessary for—Christian womanhood!). I’m thankful for my inward revulsion. Good grief, God had enough to demolish in my heart, breaking down ugly rooms of sin, pointing me toward submission and a gentle spirit and a myriad other beauties to replace hideous qualities in my being when He finally brought me to Himself.

As I contemplate God’s design for womanhood and what is most meaningful to me at this stage of my life in 2018, I can’t help but ponder the first man and woman in the garden and the perfections of their creation and marriage and dominion over the land and animals and how God created woman to be a helper and a life-giver. These two go hand-in-hand implying selflessness, servanthood, and nurturing, making life easier and more pleasant for others, enabling them to glorify Christ more and more with help, not hindrance from woman. But then came the forbidden tree and its fruit and the wily serpent when everything changed and God’s glorious design became twisted, distorted in the lives of His children. Helper became hinderer, life-giver became life-taker. Such utter sadness. A pall over the once perfect.

But God still calls us to be helpers and life-givers, marred though we are, showing us how that is worked out in our lives in the classic passage on older and younger women in Titus 2:3-5, as well as in 1 Peter 3:1-5 and Ephesians 5:22-24.

Think about it. If we are life-givers, we will speak well of and to others, not killing them with gossip, whispering, and back-biting tongues. We will not drain life from our husbands and children and loved ones with smart-aleck sarcasm or put-downs, thinking we make ourselves look quick and witty.

If we give life we will be discerning without nit-picking and judgmentalism which only disclose pride in our supposed great knowledge and intuition, revealing abhorrent self-righteousness.

If we grant life we will be given to opening our homes for nurturing needy guests with beauty and graciousness and selflessness. Without hospitable hearts, our homes, our tables, our
decorations are a shell and a show, feeding our own shallow hearts with empty and ugly pride.

We nourish the souls of others and honor the Lord when we are soft and amenable, easily entreated, gentle and quiet in our spirits, forgiving one another as the Lord forgives us. Petty disputes, jealousies, and insecurities disappear as we sacrifice our lives for others and find our worth in the God of the universe, not in volatile emotions and false sense of self-esteem.

If we are giving life to our husbands, children, and others in our spheres of influence we help fill up what may be lacking in their emotional tanks, depleted from the world’s vicious and unrelenting demands.

Submission to our husbands or other authorities in our lives, deferring humbly to their leadership promotes peace, stability, joy, even freedom all around.

We give life by being self-controlled and not lazy in all areas. Lack of discipline affects everyone around us, sapping them and us of peace and calm, order, refuge, and rest.

If we do not give life to others, God’s precious Word is blasphemed as we arrogantly dismiss His commands as not as important as our agendas, feelings, convenience, or weariness.

You get the picture. Not many of our words or actions are truly neutral. Most affect those around us, bringing joy and peace and safety or sorrow or anger or discomfort. But lest we think selfless character qualities can be conjured up in some lovely personalities of our own design and doing, God tells us the ability begins with Him and His power. We are to live reverent lives before Him, Coram Deo, thinking of Him rightly as He is revealed in His Word—as Lord of all. His selfless, life-giving love, exhibited ultimately on the bloody cross, is shed abroad in the hearts of His daughters, and we, in turn, are given the power to give our lives to others as we live in obedience to what we know to be true.

I wish I could say I do these things perfectly. I wish I could say I’m a fast learner. Not so. The sanctifying process is painstakingly slow, yet sweetly persistent. I know what God expects of me as a woman, and with resolve and God’s strength in me, I press on. I ask forgiveness a hundred times in short order, but God is working His life-giving character in me, making me a little more like Jesus every day, imperceptibly at times, but as surely as the sun rises and sets—until that day when we, who belong to Him, will be like Him, having seen Him face-to-face. O blessed day.

May God make us the helpers and life-givers of His grand and wise design—to our husbands, children, friends, the church, store clerks, Amazon delivery men, strangers, even that one, an enemy, who has taken life from us, sapping our emotions and energy with thoughtless or intentional words and deeds. May others love to see us coming, not because we are charming or popular or for what they can extort from us, but because we liberally offer trustworthiness, safety, emotional nourishment, and words of truth for life here and for eternity, spoken in love.

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit…Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body…Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”
(Proverbs 15:4, 16:24, 18:21)

Love,
Cherry