Dear sister,
Have you noticed that when we talk about suffering we often talk about when a family member gets cancer, we ourselves get sick, or a loved one passes away? I’m not discounting the pain and struggle that comes in these difficult times but what sticks out to me is that these things are outside of our control.
What about the disappointments and shattered dreams we bring on ourselves? I don’t hear anyone talking about those. When I look at my own life and look at the lives of those around me, I feel alienated and alone. Does it ever seem to you, dear sister, like everyone else has life figured out? Do you ever feel like you’re the only one struggling?
I do. That’s why I want to take a moment to shine a light on our depravity. I want to consider Eve, who was the first person to disobey God; David, who committed adultery with his best friend’s wife and then had him killed in battle to cover it up; and Peter, who willfully denied the Lord Jesus in His hour of greatest need. I want to hear their stories. I want to know that I’m not alone. Don’t you?
Some time ago I was in a relationship with a really great guy. He really liked me and wanted to be with me. I liked him as well but was experiencing some doubt and fear. Long story short, a little bit of doubt and fear turned into a lot of doubt and fear and I ended up going down a destructive path and breaking things off with him.
Months later, it suddenly clicked; our future together was as clear as if it had already happened. Shattered, broken, and empty, I ran to God in my distress, giving him the pieces of my broken heart and there he revealed the sins, idols, and wrong beliefs that had been guiding my decisions for a long time.
I was angry with myself for messing up and angry with God for letting it happen. Yet I heard him calling: “Are you willing to go with me? Come, follow me.” I could see where he was taking me; it was dark, scary, and far away from the things I wanted. I did NOT want to go with Him. But after some kicking and screaming I finally surrendered to the work God was doing in my heart.
Let’s fast forward to where God and I, through counseling, mentorship, reading the Word, and prayer, began to identify my idolatry and my enslavement to the approval of others. Then God the Holy Spirit unraveled the lies that had caused me to break my own heart. He also revealed deep hurts that had never healed, and brought reconciliation to broken relationships. Finally, with this new knowledge of the truth, I was able to discard the lies I had been believing.
Even though I still have moments of regret, I am learning to lean into the hope and healing the Lord has brought about through my brokenness, that God is the Always Good Father and that this hardship was necessary for my own salvation and the situation that ultimately will bring Jesus the greatest glory.
Sis, if you have fallen into a snare, please know that you are not alone. It may look like everyone else has it all together, but they don’t. We are all sinners and we all have struggles. Remember that God holds your life and in Christ there is no condemnation but only forgiveness, mercy and grace. Take courage, dear sister, and be strong in the Lord. Whatever you’ve done, it is not beyond redeeming. Whatever you’ve done, it is not the end. God is an expert in redemption and making old things new. You can trust Him.
Fighting with you,
Kayla
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.