Author: Rebecca Edwards

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The Threads of Our Lives and Attitudes of Our Hearts

Dear Sister,

Disappointment. Deep disappointment. Wallowing in the pit of dismay. That is where the news of the day has found us. We did not lose anything tangible, just a dream. The object of years of hard work has proved elusive yet again and likely forever. Now where? Now what? Lord, we feel like we are standing in front of a locked door (locked on the opposite side), in a dark space. Deflated, depressed. Even amongst great blessing.

As we struggle with these feelings of discontent, I search the lives of individuals in the Bible and I find Rachel struggled as well. She was beautiful, wealthy, the recipient of amazing love; but she had not achieved the epitome of a blessed woman of her time. She had not birthed a son. All was hollow to her without that achievement. She even risked the ire of the man who loved her, the man she was dependent on for everything on earth. Eventually, she had her sons—along with robust sides of conniving and resultant rampant jealousy in her family.

I’m not saying Rachel was wrong in desiring children, but the pursuit of her dream was relentless and her priority above all else. I contrast her battle with that of Hannah’s in I Samuel 1. Where Rachel schemed, Hannah prayed. While Rachel pushed her agenda and forced her way, Hannah waited and kept praying. Both women achieved the object of their pursuit, but Hannah is lifted up as an example of humility and longsuffering and she had the blessings of the Lord and her husband. Rachel’s victories finally tasted as dust in her mouth, for in the birthing room, “It came about as her soul was departing (for she died), that she named him Ben-oni; but his father called him Benjamin.” Gen. 35:18. (Ben-oni: “the son of my sorrow”) Rachel realized her goal, but only in death and with great heartache.

Ironically, another Benjaminite learned what his ancestor did not. In writing to the Corinthians, Paul reports that he prayed and wrestled with God three different times that his “thorn in the flesh” might be taken away. God’s reply was not what we would have expected for His faithful servant and great miracle worker, “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” II Cor. 12:9. He did not just accept defeat, but boasted in it, because that thorn was the receptacle through which God’s grace and power would flow.

We keep asking to be shown His way forward, but resort to gnashing our teeth when our way is thwarted, instead of turning to seek His guidance. We continue to regret the demolition of dreams, instead of rejoicing over the broken seeds from which God is using to grow beautiful fruit.

Throughout history, God’s will was accomplished—Rachel played her part in having children that were included in the 12 tribes of Israel; and Hannah gave birth to Samuel, the great judge of Israel. God’s plan is always fulfilled, He weaves with the threads of our lives—whether we are obstinate or not. We may be woven beneath his tapestry for long periods, but we are still used.   We cannot always choose how or where we are woven, but we can offer Him the brightness of our colors, the attitude of our hearts.

So, excuse me while I go play ‘Wonder Woman’ with the kids (complete with flying cape). We are rejoicing over our squashed dream—for God is using it to shower us with His grace and to show us His power. Amen!

Running with you,

Rebecca

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Naomi ~ Hoping in God’s Goodness

Dear Sister,

I am the poster child for Worrier-Extraordinaire. This is not a good thing. Not only does it cause me to fret and age before my time, those around me get to experience the fall out of wife/mom who is stressed, and (the most distressing part of this), NOTHING is accomplished.

I know this, yet I still worry and stress about things that have not happened, may never happen, and over which I usually have little to no control. However, I justify the worry by insisting I am planning, thinking ahead; or by replaying the wrong done to me (or by me), trying to craft a new outcome(?!). In searching the Word for another worrier, I found one who seemed fully justified in her worry and despair—Naomi. Her husband and sons were dead; and she was living in a culture alien, hostile to her own and during a time when women were not wage earners. She was staring into a bottomless pit. She even stated, “the hand of the Lord has gone forth against me.” Ruth 1:13b.

Naomi was so wrapped up in her worry and despair that it took the faith and loyalty of her Moabite daughter-in-law for her to begin to see God’s goodness again. When Ruth came home from her first gleaning trip to Boaz’ fields, Naomi told Ruth, “…it is good my daughter, that you go out with his [Boaz’] maids…” (Ruth 2:22), this ‘good’ is not just a casual “ok”, but it has the connotations of beautiful, best, bountiful, joyful, precious, etc. In the midst of their darkness and sorrow, God had not forgotten, nor were His purposes thwarted. I wonder if Naomi now dances before the King, still wondering why she fretted when He had such magnificent plans for her family.

My family and I recently completed one of those military moves that are fun to joke about when they happen to someone else. I worried, fussed, pouted, and cancelled the move multiple times, yet it still happened. We did finally get a house and our goods arrived, we moved in and got on with the business of living. Yet, the worry and frustration still dogged me. I have come to the conclusion that I may never know what God’s plan was in all the intricacies and difficulties of the move, and that is ok. I can find the good—the beautiful, best, bountiful, joyful precious good He has for me right here, right now.

I am still a planner, but I will try to plan without brooding—communicating my thoughts and frustrations sooner than later. I can identify when I am wronged, not for the purpose of seeking justice for myself, but to determine how to forgive. Finally, I will be more like Ruth who simply got up and started working; and like Naomi, who began to dare to hope in God’s goodness. He is worthy of our hope, and gives abundantly to His children. “Then the women said to Naomi, ‘Blessed is the Lord who has not left you without a redeemer today, and may his name become famous in Israel. May he also be to you a restorer of life and a sustainer of your old age…’” Ruth 4:14-15a.

Running with you,

Rebecca

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The Desire Above All Others

Dear Sister,

Like King Solomon, if offered the world, I hope I would ask for the intangibles: wisdom, love, etc.; but I ask myself, is that really what my heart desires? Is that really where I live? There is a part (not a small part) of my heart that yearns for the new, sparkly, exciting gifts under the tree. But God has begun to check my heart and help me to examine my desires more closely this past year. While I have been a Christian—trusting in Jesus’ gift of substitution on the cross for my salvation—since I was a young girl, I have treated the thought of heaven like a nebulous, far-off eventuality and have not dwelt on its tangible, real properties and what they mean to me. I have existed in the present in a much more concrete way. That is me: delighting in absolutes and control (says the military wife who has very little of either in this life).

However, even if this life is lived for 100+ years, eternity is obviously of greater magnitude and much more worthy of my concentration and desires. As I write this letter, I am enjoying a ‘Mommy Vacation’ on the beach. It is lovely, quiet, and restful. But, in spite of the enjoyment I am having, this is not my home and anyone would think me nuts if I treated this cottage as such: decorating it, cleaning it, remodeling it. For, after all, tomorrow I leave to go home.

God gave us the ability to dream and create; and He delights in giving us good gifts. I am sure He smiled at my joy as I opened my gift of time away. He also knows the plans and desires my husband and I have for our family—we speak often of our ‘forever home’ (a term military families tend to use to differentiate between the homes we live in for a couple of years vs. the home we plan invest in and live in for the remainder of our lives), and we dream about the floor plan, location, etc.

In reality, though, this time on earth is not our true ‘forever home’ and now I see I should hesitate to treat it so. I have found that developing the right desires begins in correctly establishing my attitude and priorities. “But earnestly desire the greater gifts.” I Cor. 12:31a. If I neglect to focus on heaven and time with Jesus, I will have settled for uselessly decorating my 2-day cottage instead of investing and planning in my true home.

Does the thought of eternity in an unknown place frighten you, sister? I won’t lie—it has scared me at times. I have marveled at Paul’s statement, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21. He was so sure of his desires. Yet, as I have considered who Jesus is, read what He says in His Word about heaven, and mulled over what time in heaven will be like, I have found my attitude changing. My desires for the things of the earth clamor less in my heart and my joy in those far-off expectations increase. The veil of the unknown becomes a little less opaque and my heart quickens. Our new, sparkly gift is under the tree, dear sister, He just waits for us to unwrap our desire in Him. Enjoy our gifts here on earth, but set your heart’s desire on Jesus and our ‘forever home’ with Him. “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain.” Rev. 21:3b-4a

Running with you,

Rebecca

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A Jar Filled with Glory

Dear Sister,

Humility.  Tough subject.  I am not very humble.

Ooo, that was pretty humble of me!

Blast!  Yeah, I have lots of work to do….

I definitely have this see-saw approach with pride and humility. “And all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” (I Peter 5:5b).  I want so much to be His poster child, yet that very desire seems to be diabolically opposite to His qualifications for the job.

A brief search in the dictionary in the back of my Bible noted that humility is “self-abasement” and pride is “exaggerated self-esteem.”  In Philippians 2:3-4, Paul writes, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”  From the definitions and these verses, I discover humility not to be a life of unreserved self-denial—Paul does not say to abandon your personal interests—but a life that thinks (and acts) to love others ahead of self.

While I was growing up, one of my pastors said he tried to sacrifice something every day, just to keep himself in the habit of sacrifice—to remind himself this earth is not home, just a stopping place.  Perhaps humility is much the same:  hoping your heart will suddenly foster thoughts and actions of humility is putting the cart before the horse.  However, deliberately choosing to give someone else the largest piece of pie, the space to merge in front of you in traffic, the help in cleaning their mess—all while not looking for thanks or recognition—knowing that our Father sees and will reward us ultimately in front of all, but also immediately with a softening of the heart, is a beginning of the habit of humility.  Maybe being that poster child is ok—the attitude is the deciding factor.  If I want to be the model of humility so that others praise me, I have failed.  If I desire to be the vessel God uses so He gets the glory, then all the world will see is a transparent jar with the light of Jesus shining through and humility will be her name.

Running with you,

Rebecca

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Apparent Injustice…Nevertheless!

Dear Sister,

There is a certain passage in the Bible that is my go-to when I can’t sleep at night, or when I am running or swimming those seemingly endless laps. They are not the typical motivational verses; in fact, the chapter begins with the author recounting how he resents God’s version of justice.

So why would I choose this particular chapter to regularly camp out in, memorize, and meditate out of the whole treasure of God’s Word? Well, because the writer questions God’s decisions to allow evil, lazy, prideful people to have abundance on earth and he finds the answer to his question about God’s justice (how often do I ask God “Why?!”). How is that justice good and right? The writer goes to church. There, in his time with God, his eyes are opened. He peers into the future of those people content without God. Their future is complete destruction. In His mercy and desire that none perish, God may be slow to wrath by our perception of time, but those who finally meet Him after choosing to shun Him throughout their lives will be utterly undone! No escaping, no hiding, no excuses, just stark, bold truth and devastating judgment.

Then, the author remembers in the midst of his jaw-clenching, passionate (even beast-like) resentment of God’s apparent injustice that his only recourse is to cling to God. There is no one, and nothing else on earth or heaven that can save (and which has imperishable, immeasurable worth) but God. He is God—there are no comparisons. He will do things incomprehensible to me, for I am like an infant in wisdom and righteousness.

“Nevertheless”

Defined: “in spite of that; notwithstanding; all the same.” Whatever I may think, whatever I may want, whatever I may do (or others do), He is my all: “I am continually with Thee.”

“You have taken hold of my right hand.” He holds me. My strength and convictions would surely be insufficient—what a comfort He has taken my hand. Those who choose to forsake or ignore God are destroyed. Resentment dissolves as I too decide, “But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.” (Psalm 73:1-28)

He is our all. Our hope, our promise, our treasure. Set aside any resentment you might have toward God, dear sister, for this is not our home—simply our race. The race is supposed to be difficult—testing us, refining us, stripping away the imperfect, building eternal muscle. Our reward will be hard won and that much more beautiful for the sacrifices. (Heb. 12:1-3)

Running with you,

Rebecca