Author: Kayla Mahnken

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The Pursuit of Self Control

Dear sister,

To be sure there are older and wiser women with much more experience in this particular area than I can hope to boast about at the ripe old age of 20. Thankfully though, I don’t have to come up with a lot to say about the topic of self-control because the word of God, truthfully, speaks for itself. It is living and active after all (Heb. 4:12). So what does God’s word say about self-control, in general and particularly for women?

Well, first let’s look at Proverbs 25:28. It says, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” What kind of picture does that paint for you? I see that a man without self-control is an easy target for predators and when they strike not only do they easily break in but they also break down your walls, leaving you unprotected and vulnerable for another attack. Yikes, That’s not a pretty picture! I don’t know about you sister, but I had not ever thought that self-control was necessary for my very own protection. Or that it would help me fight off my attackers.

As if that was not enough to grab your attention,I want to now focus your attention on I Corinthians 9:25-27. Paul says, “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things…So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” The first thing I notice in this passage is Paul’s use of the word all. ALL things. “Even homework, Paul?” “Yes, Kayla, even homework.” “What about my thought life, Paul, you can’t expect me to control what I think, can you?” “Yes, Kayla, you must discipline your mind.” “What about when I wake up and when I go to bed, that doesn’t really matter right, Paul?” “No, Kayla, you must discipline your body as well.” “Oh, so all things really means all things then, doesn’t it?” “Yes, Kayla, that’s right.” Though this dialogue may be amusing, I think it hits pretty close to reality. We tend to want to make God’s word say something that we think is more reasonable or less extreme, as if we know better than God does! Dear sister, surely we know by now that we do not think like God does and that his knowledge and discernment is far superior to our own earthly wisdom. We have to remember, dear one, that we don’t have the power of the editor. We can’t erase words and replace them with different ones or change the meaning of a verse. As children of God we must take every word of God as authoritative and apply to our lives as such. So when God says, “Exercise self-control in all things.” He means, “Exercise self-control in all things.” Not in some things, or in the things that are easy for you, but in all things.

Paul goes on to say that he does not ‘box as one beating the air’. Imagine that for a second. What is a boxer beating the air accomplishing? Nothing! In fact, he looks foolish because he has no target. So must we, if we are to bear the name of Christ well, be self-controlled and discipline our bodies “lest after preaching to others [we] should be disqualified.” Paul is saying, “If I don’t practice self-control, how can I expect others to do such?” He goes so far as to say that a failure to control oneself results in disqualifying yourself from the faith.

Finally, self-control is an essential attribute of godliness. First Timothy 2:9 speaks of how women should adorn themselves with self-control (among other things). If you are seeking to become a godly woman, neglecting self-control is not an option. We must learn to discipline our minds and our bodies, being controlled by the Spirit and not by the flesh. For me, and maybe for you as well dear sister, this may seem an impossible task. Self-control is something I struggle with (and fail at) frequently. And not only that, it seems to be the source of many of my other problems. But find hope and take courage in II Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” Nothing is impossible for God. He has given us all that we need to be victorious. Lean on Him and plead with Him to help you dismantle all that hinders you in your pursuit of self-control. Throw off yourself and be controlled by the love of Christ.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” ~II Cor. 5:14-15

Your sister,

Kayla

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Compassion 101

My dear sister,

I am a little nervous to be writing to you, dear one, about compassion, for I feel it is something that I know very little about, or at least I haven’t taken the time to practice it as often as I should. I have realized that I spend so much time thinking about myself that I leave very little time for thinking about others, much less reaching out to them in their time of need. So to change that, this Labor Day weekend as I was thinking about what I was going to write to you, I asked the Lord to teach me compassion. For whom better to learn from than the One who has shown us the greatest compassion imaginable?

I first decided to consult a dictionary on the matter. Webster’s Dictionary defines compassion as “a sensation of sorrow excited by the distress or misfortunes of another; pity.” An accurate definition but I found the definition provided by Dictionary.com of much more use. It defines compassion as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” I think we are all familiar with compassion in the sense that we often experience it involuntarily that is without thinking about it. We feel it when we learn that a friend has lost a parent or a child, or when a friend suffers from an accident that leaves them blind or paralyzes them. But how often do we, dear one, purposely practice compassion? Just as our dear sister, Colleen, mentioned, in the Bible compassion is often coupled with an action. Jesus felt compassion for a blind man and he healed him. So we see repeatedly throughout Scripture that this abstract emotion is, more often than not, followed by a concrete action.

Earlier I mentioned that I asked the Lord to teach me compassion. Well, as always, He was faithful. Just yesterday He began teaching me. In this first lesson, He provided an opportunity for me to express compassion to a friend going through a difficult time. As she expressed to me her deepest fears, my heart was filled with sympathy and sorrow for her situation. I wanted to help her through this difficult time as much as I was able. I rejoiced in the opportunity to remind her of Christ’s love for her and to preach the gospel to her, and tell her that God will never forsake her, even if everyone in this world does. I was able to proclaim to her that Christ is able to fill even the deepest longings of our souls and that He will bring us through even the most bitter of sorrows with the most glorious triumph. As her situation persists, I am able to serve as an encouragement to her and this not only lifts her up but also gives me fulfillment as I carry out a God-given role of friendship and sisterhood.

If you, dear sister, feel you need to grow in compassion, as I do, ask the Lord to teach you. He is more than willing to do so and unlike our earthly mentors, He is available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

 

In the love of our Lord Jesus Christ,

 

Kayla

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Desires and Contentment

My dearest sister,

Do you ever struggle with being content? I sure do. I want to share with you what God has been showing me of my own heart lately. I struggle with contentment as a single woman longing to become a wife and mother. My desire for marriage is so strong that I often find myself despairing of my singleness, wondering how much longer I’ll have to wait for God to bring the right man into my life.

I began to think that being content was a hopeless pursuit, because I could not rid myself of my desire for a husband. I gave into temptations to self-pity because I wasn’t trusting in my Lord and Savior. It’s a tough place to be, dear sister, and I’m sure you can relate.

Then, I was reminded that God is with us even in the strongest storm! He showed me that I needed to renew my mind by seeking after Him through the reading of His word and prayer. But I had a problem. I still have a problem, it is called sin. In this case, the sin that manifested itself in my heart was a desire for self-pity. I realized that I would rather feel sorry for myself, for the things that I don’t have (i.e. a boyfriend) than be thankful for every spiritual blessing that God has blessed me with in Christ (Ephesians 1). I didn’t want to change my thinking; I didn’t want my mind to be renewed through the word of God. Thankfully, God didn’t give up on me! He never does when He’s dealing with His princesses, and as daughters of the King that’s exactly what you and I are. He reminded me that I am His beautiful princess and that He has wonderful plans for me: “plans to prosper [me] and not to harm [me], plans to give me hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). He doesn’t want me to be exactly like someone else or live the same life as another person. He wants me to live out the life He has planned for me! And I don’t know about you, but I’m betting that His plan is a lot more exciting than my own.

God reminded me too, that I am not on this earth to pursue my own pleasures or make my own plans. I am to follow His plan, for that is far better. My purpose is not to live a life completely of my own design, fulfilling every desire that should arise in my heart on my own time-table. No, dear one, my purpose and your purpose in this life is to bring glory to God and exalt Christ, showing Him to be preeminent over all things (Colossians 1:18).

So, how do I (or maybe you) become content? I remember, and still experience, how I would use my feelings to determine whether or not I was content. No wonder I couldn’t achieve my goal. Our feelings are so fickle that it’s a wonder people place so much trust in them, even using them to make big life decisions like who they will marry or what job they will take. But something I found curious as I was searching the Scriptures was that God never said anything about feeling content. Rather we are called to be content. Who we are and what we are is always a choice. Contentment is no different. We must make a decision for contentment in order to enjoy it and increase our thankfulness for every blessing God has given us. You and I don’t have to stop wanting something or deny that your heart has deep desires. God gave us those desires—desires for friendship, intimacy, marriage, motherhood (the list goes on)—they are not evil in and of themselves. It is when those desires become preeminent, when they begin to even rule our hearts that we have crossed over the line with God.  Instead, we must trust God that He will fulfill those desires in His timing (not mine and yours) and thank Him for working out His perfect plan in our lives and for blessing us far more than we could ever deserve.

Trust in Him, today, my dear, beautiful sister.  Be Content!  Delight yourself in the Lord for you are a daughter of the King, His princess and guess what? He loves you!

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are” (1 John 3:1).

Your sister,

Kayla

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Unity and Gentleness

My dearest Sister,

Just yesterday I was reading a devotional on Ephesians 4:1-3. Paul says “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” In Paul’s typical manner he not only told me what to do, but how as well. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians exhorts me to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” I am to do this in humility and gentleness, with patience…and so forth.

But what is this gentleness that Paul is speaking of? I have heard the word used many times before, but I don’t think I have ever really understood everything the word entails. Charles Hodge defined gentleness as the “unresisting, uncomplaining disposition of mind which enables us to bear other people’s faults without irritation or resentment.” Wow. I’d never thought about gentleness that way before. I guess I always associated gentleness with being soft-spoken, and always speaking in love. I see in this insightful definition that gentleness pushes beyond not losing your temper when someone pushes you too far.

Paul didn’t stop at humility and gentleness, and neither should I. He also said, “with patience, bearing with one another in love”. You might have a translation that uses the word longsuffering instead of patience. I like this word better because it captures the essence of how we are to live with others that may be different than us, and yes, may have annoying habits! It means loving a person with the love of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 13) despite their faults and despite their irritating habits. Now I know this sounds challenging. It is. There is nothing easy about loving others, especially those who may be more difficult to love than say, your best friend. Thankfully, we don’t have to rely on ourselves to change our ways. We can ask Jesus to give us the grace to treat all of our brothers and sisters with gentleness. He will give it to us! He is always faithful!

I’m sorry to have to write you and share that just this past week my patience has been, at best, thin. It seems that at one point I was more self-controlled and more able to deal with the annoyances of others. Now, I just feel that every little thing gets me wound up and grumpy. I’m easily annoyed and don’t often trouble myself to hide it. Reading this passage of Scripture and taking in this new perspective on gentleness has convicted me and by the grace of God it has brought me to repentance! But there is one last thought I want to leave with you. Paul didn’t just give us the “what” and the “how,” he also gave us the “why.”

You and I bear with one another in love in order to “maintain unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” As sisters in Christ, we are of one body, and we all belong to Him, having been made new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), and because we are of one body we should strive to act like it. Unity is one of our defining characteristics as Christians. Dear sister in Christ, may we together strive to maintain this precious gift through pursuing a spirit of gentleness with all people and in all circumstances.

Your sister,
Kayla