Author: Kayla Mahnken

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A Means, Not An End

My dear sister,

I think about marriage—a lot. I feel that as a single woman that is simply part of my job description. Think about marriage, dream about marriage, date guys who want marriage, and then maybe some day, I’ll actually have marriage.

Even just a year ago, singleness was easier to cope with but now that I’ve officially entered the season where all my friends are getting married (five between now and March) I’m getting more and more uncomfortable with my singleness. I’ve grown even dissatisfied in my lot from the Lord.

But why should I be dissatisfied in this? Singleness really isn’t that bad. Because of it, I am able to devote more of my time and energy to the Lord with few distractions. (1 Corinthians 7:34) Additionally, singleness offers a lot of freedom in how I spend my time and money. Why give all that up for a ring, limitations, and dirty diapers?

Dear sister, I think I often fall into the trap of thinking that my life doesn’t really begin until I have a man to share it with. So until he comes I’m just waiting around trying to look busy. But this ought not to be the case. Marriage is not the end or goal of my life. Neither is singleness. God gives both and takes away both but the season is not an end in itself. Rather, each season is a means to God’s end for our lives, which is our sanctification.

First Thessalonians 4:7a says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.” Contrary to the messages of the world, God’s first concern is not our happiness. Instead he desires for us to be holy, to be conformed to the image of his Son. Sanctification is the life-long process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Both singleness and marriage are simply means to God’s greater end of making us holy and perfect. We can’t worry that not being married means that we’re not fulfilling our purpose. Our purpose is not to be married. Our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and we can do that with or without a diamond ring (With, God, please with!).

The Lord is sovereign over where you are right now, dear sister, even if you don’t want to be there. Live out your singleness with earnest devotion to the Lord. Married already? Then be a godly and devoted wife and mother.

Each season in your life contributes to your sanctification. Take advantage of each one and don’t waste it. Trust God every day and hope in Him. Rest assured, He will complete the work he has begun in you (Philippians 1:6). He will not fail.

The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. -Psalm 84:11

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Walking in Steadfastness

Steadfast (sted-fast) adjective

Merriam-Webster gives two definitions for the word steadfast: 1. A: firmly fixed in place. B: Not subject to change 2. Firm in belief, determination, or adherence. Wow. Just in the past few months, or even weeks, the Lord has been patiently working this quality into my life. Yet, dear sister, I have been fairly resistant to the construction he’s been doing in my heart and have not cooperated with the Holy Spirit in my sanctification. I have had plenty of opportunities to practice steadfastness and instead have practiced procrastination and changefulness.

Not long ago I was feeling defeated in more than one area of my life and all I wanted to do was give up—I almost did. It seemed that the success or the victory I was searching for was—is—eternally beyond my grasp. But the Lord did a work in me. Through his word and through his people He showed me that what I wanted to do was not what was best for me even though it was definitely the easier route to take. And so begins my lesson in steadfastness, a lesson I foresee taking a lifetime to learn.

This evening I came home and pretty much right as I walked in the door, I snapped at my dad over something that had been frustrating me earlier in the day. Looking back at my hasty remarks and frustrated shouts, I’m sure glad I don’t have to worry about God lashing out on me because he had a bad day. Aren’t you? God is eternally the same. He is not subject to change; he is firmly fixed in one place. The Lord is steadfast. He will always keep his promises; He will always love us. His character is unchanging forever!

If we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself. (2 Timothy 2:13)

What an encouragement this truth should be to us in our daily lives and in our daily walk with the Lord. God has not given up on us so neither should we! Yes, we have stumbled. Yes, we have wasted away time. Yes, we have lacked steadfastness. But it is not too late. We can always try again and if we lean on the strength of the Lord we can do better. We must work with the Lord, not against him. Keep fighting the good fight. When you want to give up, don’t! The Lord is still with you even in your weakest moments. In your ministry, in your learning, in your practicing, in your striving, He is still with you. He will remain steadfast, faithfully walking with you every step of the way. Won’t you walk with Him, dear sister?

Walking with you,

Kayla

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Letter to Mom

Hello, sister,

Another month has passed already and it is time for me to write to you again. The days pass just a little too quickly, don’t they? This month I get to write to you about motherhood. But first I have to disclose something to you: I’m not a mom.

Nope. I’m not a mom, and actually I’m single (very single, in fact). At first, I didn’t know how I was going to write this letter to you without having my MOM degree. Then I realized that I am actually getting a pretty sweet deal. I get to tell you all about my wonderful mother and what a strong example she’s set for me right before Mother’s Day. Even if I manage to forget to buy her flowers, she can’t be angry with me, right?

I love my mom. Not many daughters can call their mom their best friend, but I have the incredible privilege of being one of the few who can. She has diligently raised me up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, taught me about life, and is there for me when I fall, need a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on. She is my safe zone. I can confide in her unreservedly. She knows my struggles, my fears, and even my silly and vain thoughts.

In all things—the good, the bad, and the hard—she lovingly understands, is honest and encouraging, and always points me back to Christ, guiding me to the path of godliness when I have forgotten the way. We laugh together, cry together, confide in each other, and support each other.

My mother is also a woman of great faith. She has stood firm through all these years of raising my brother and I, even through some pretty tough storms. She loves her husband faithfully, submitting to and respecting him and cares for her children tenderly and gracefully.

She is everything a mother should be and more. I cannot adequately describe her qualities of faith, love and grace and I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with her and I pray that when my time does come to be a mother that I will be just like her.

My mom and I do have a beautiful relationship now, but it wasn’t always like this. When I was younger, I kept to myself and refused to be vulnerable with my parents. But the Lord redeemed our relationship and taught me the importance of being vulnerable with my parents and letting them into my life.

So daughters, I encourage you to get to know your mom. Be vulnerable with her and give her the opportunity to shower you with her wisdom and love. Strive to be like her. And then when you have little ones of your own (or maybe you already do) you will be able to pass on the same faith and the same legacy that your mom passed on to you.

Remember Mom this week. She’s given you more than you will ever be able to repay.

In the love of the Savior,

Kayla

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Smell the Roses

I wasn’t looking forward to writing this letter to you, dear sister.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to write but that I feel like the last thing I have wisdom in is seeking and having joy. I don’t feel joyful. Instead, I feel weak, angry, jaded, and even apathetic toward God and my faith. I find that I even brush away encouragement, preferring to selfishly insist on my own way and deal with certain situations on my own terms.

My dear sister, it is certainly easy to become discouraged in our walk with the Lord. We start to look at other people’s lives and say, “Why hasn’t that happened for me? Why is it that I’m not as strong as her? If I just had this one thing I would be happy, right?”

I’ve had to make a life-changing decision recently. I don’t particularly care for the permanence such decisions deliver. Having to choose between two distinct paths, knowing that to choose one is to forsake the other is slightly terrifying. So I’ve put off making a “real” decision. But now, certain events have demanded a legitimate answer to my painstaking question. What am I going to do?

As I began thinking through my decision, I realized that the decision I wanted to make and the decision I needed to make were not the same. I wanted to quit, to give up, and to run away. I kept telling myself it was too late for me to ever be “good enough.”

The decision I needed to make involves a lot of hard work, time, and discipline. My past never fails to remind me that I don’t have a good track record when it comes to discipline and perseverance. Why should this time be any different?

This dilemma has revealed one truth: I am weak. I am weak and I cannot be strong in my own power. But Nehemiah 8:10 reminds us, saying, “the joy of the Lord is our strength.”  While it is a comforting statement, it begs the question: how can I have strength, when I don’t have joy?

Joy comes from contemplating the beauty, glory, and love of God. How can we be sorrowful when pondering the majesty of a sunrise, or the might of the great oak trees? How can we be sad when we remember Christ’s sacrifice and His victory over sin and death? But I have neglected these wonders of late; my thoughts have fallen onto myself. Is it any wonder then that I have fallen into discontent and apathy?

To choose what I need over what I want may be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. But I know that what I need is what is ultimately going to bring glory to God. And contemplating that reality is what brings me joy, and in turn my strength.

I don’t know what you’re struggling with today, my dear sister, but in all things make sure you take the time to watch the sunset, revel in a thunderstorm, and well, smell the roses!

Pursuing a higher joy,

Kayla

 

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A Gentle Tongue; a Tree of Life

Dear sister,

Proverbs 15:4 says, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” In Bible study last week we talked about what it means to be gentle. Another word for gentleness that you may also find in the Scripture is meekness. We discussed that meekness or gentleness is power under control. The tongue is a powerful device of the body. It holds both the power to kill and the power to give life. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” If we are to have a gentle tongue we must exercise control over its power.

Words can hurt—even when people don’t mean to hurt us with them we can still find ourselves deeply wounded by them. They are even more painful when the words come from the mouth of a beloved friend or family member. It can take a long time to heal from the emotional damage that is caused by careless speech.

For me, I can still remember the words that a close friend said to me one day while we were having coffee together. To this day they still hurt and to this day she is still unaware of the pain she caused in just one sentence of our conversation. It is in these moments of mournful remembrance that I am tempted to pity myself and tell myself, “I didn’t deserve that. Who does she think she is?” and then I catch myself. I’m not perfect. There have probably been numerous times when I have hurt others with my words without being aware of it. I simply cannot pass judgment on my friend without also passing judgment on myself.

Whatever our words have been in the past we must strive to speak with gentleness now and in the future. Proverbs 15 says the ‘gentle tongue is a tree of life.’ Imagine a prospering tree. It is big, strong and tall. Its leaves are green and vibrant and it stands firm through any storm. If we control the power of our tongue we can be a tree of life to others; we can bringing healing and give life. The alternative is brokenness and death.
What will your words be marked by?
Striving with you,
Kayla