Author: Cherry Finamore

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A Desire Rearranged

Dearest Sister,

Birth of a vision…death of a vision…Anticipation…Dashed hopes…Heights…Depths…
Rhapsody…Gloom…

The Psalmist speaks for us when he says,
“Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul would soon have settled in silence.
If I say, ‘My foot slips,’ Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.” (Psalm 94:17-19)

Since I last wrote there has been much reflecting on my life, reminders of hard times, God’s workings and faithfulness to our family. After the circumstances of the birth of my firstborn which I described to you recently, God lovingly gave us another gift, our second son, our sweet Matthew. We were thrilled with this little boy beyond measure. I was already 38 and another baby at that age was a marvel to us. We had always desired more children, but time seemed to be slipping away. Advancing age presented problems, so they say. The risks in pregnancies at later ages for the mama increased–the greater possibility of birth defects loomed before us. At age 41 we found I was pregnant again. Oh joy! Perhaps God would give us a little girl. Doesn’t every mama need a daughter? A mixture of excitement and anxiety ensued. The boys were only five and three, but this mama was “old”. I could have been a grandma.

Sonograms in those days were uncommon. All was going well. Those wonderful little flutters were felt in my belly when this child moved, and as the baby grew, the familiar movements became stronger, but not frequent. Familiar fears of some impending problem began looming in my mind, but according to personal track record, these things were pondered in the heart and not voiced to others. In the ninth month this child rarely moved and my silence continued. Labor began and the doctor and attending staff performed their skilled work of bringing our baby into the world by Caesarian section. That beautiful cry of life, the hoped-for words, “It’s a girl!”, were heard and the nurse whisked our child away to clean her and do those things nurses do. But time stood still as my husband whispered something like, “They are examining her far too long. They are studying her hands and face. They didn’t do that with the boys.” The doctor’s verdict was that we had a healthy little girl, but the nurse did not bring her to me. An eternity later our pediatrician came into our assigned room and with averted eyes told us our baby girl had Trisomy 21…The twenty-first set of chromosomes in her DNA structure was not a pair. There were three. Our Jennifer had what is commonly known as Down Syndrome. The doctor told us there were places we could put her and walked out.

Stunned, yet not stunned, our eyes lingered not so bravely on each other. Later we would share how God had prepared us for this “crushing” event through a variety of circumstances, but at this moment our emotions were in flux, attempting to think rightly, yet filled with a kind of sorrow.

As we were abruptly introduced to this new world of “disabled children” I learned the reason my daughter had rarely moved as she grew within me–low muscle tone, typical of her makeup. I would soon realize that even holding her head up at three months would be a terrible struggle for my little one. “Hi, Jenny,” we would say as her head wobbled erratically and we would steady her and lift her sweet face toward us.

That first evening in the hospital blurred before me. Our daughter turned dusky (bluish) just as I had finally been allowed to hold her for only a few moments. Hospital staff whisked our baby away to another hospital to check for heart problems and I prayed, “Lord, don’t let me love her if You are going to take her.” I was frightened, confused, steeling myself against the pain of loss–emotional and physical.

Many friends came to visit in the days that followed, more than a usual amount of visitors, people trying to comfort, not knowing what to say about this new life which would normally bring joy and congratulations. One woman came in and said, “I’m so excited for you!”, and I pitied her.

In the middle of that first night when my baby was across the city in another hospital, deep sleep from emotional and physical exhaustion took over. But in the early morning hours, the overhead light was rudely turned on, a nurse walked in and loudly proclaimed, “Mrs. Finamore, here is your daughter! She’s fine!”, handed her to me, walked out and closed the door. Vividly in the mind, emanating in the voiced words, “Ok, here goes, Lord,” I gazed at this baby’s little face–memorizing the sagging cheeks, the slanted eyes, the ears set low on her head. I began to unwrap the swaddled blanket covering her body. I saw two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes. So perfect. I took off her tiny shirt and caressed her tummy and back. I undid her diaper and saw her little girl body. I kissed her face, her neck, her hands. That motherly tenderness, designed beautifully by God, overwhelmed my soul, my emotions, as I stared at this little one created by God, and I was smitten. The lump in my throat moved to tears in my eyes as I fell in love, bitter-sweetly, with this child, created in God’s most precious image…this child who needed my love and care and tenderness–and who also needed Jesus–just like any other child in the world.

The years have passed, twenty-six to be exact, and this child has filled our lives with joy. She loves life, is never, ever bored, brings a light to the eyes of all those she meets. As she will tell you herself, she loves to create things, she is an artist, a dancer, a computer genius in my estimation. She adores her brothers and her daddy. God has given her a humbly grateful heart, a heart filled with love and acceptance without judgment. We learn much from her about not complaining or arguing. She is without guile.

This home will never have an empty nest. There will never be a relationship with her at the level I have with my own mama. Her daddy will never walk her down an aisle. She does not have a college degree, but did proudly wear her cap and gown at her high school graduation. And it is all good, because God is the Always Good. He does all things well.

Sister, don’t despair when God brings you things not asked for. Do not grumble when your dreams are not realized as you envisioned. Do not allow any bitterness to take root in your heart when plans do not materialize. Do not allow fear of the unknown to rule your heart. We either believe God is Sovereign over all or we do not. We believe He is good in that sovereignty or we do not. We are grateful for His workings in our lives or we are not. We either believe He is working out in our lives all things for our good and His glory or we do not. What do you have for which you did not ask, my sister? God is sufficient. Be satisfied with Him above all else. Keep your eyes on Jesus. He never misleads–even when we do not understand.

“Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth,
And follow where He guideth.
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.”

“…Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work (maturing work) that you may be perfect (mature) and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4

“For You formed my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.”
Psalm 139:13-14

Looking with you for His return when we will be perfect, without disability, unfettered by sin which weighs us down. We shall be like Him–for we shall see Him as He is–

Cherry

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How Long, O Lord, How Long?

My dear sister,

I’m home with my family after a lovely vacation in Virginia and at a beautiful South Carolina beach with my oldest son and his precious family. God gave us our fourth grandchild three months ago and I finally met little (big) Sammy. I’m a baby lover and it was hard to put him down. No other major events are going on in my life to make things look dark or hopeless or depressing. How thankful I am for these “easy” times in my life. To be sure, everything isn’t all rosy. My frail mama lives with us and each new day comes with various challenges, but this is a privilege, not a trial in my book. However, I am aware that you might be in need of encouragement at this very moment. I ask God to give me words of comfort and hope and am reminded of II Corinthians 1:4 where Paul tells us that God comforts us in our afflictions so that we, in turn, are able to comfort others with the same comfort that we have received from God.

In the past I’ve shared with you some of God’s dealings with me in submission. This lesson has had to be taught many times in my life and God continues to train me in His school of sanctifying trials, molding my will to His sovereign desires for me.

This leads me to reflect upon a dark time in my life when my heart was heavy, when my desires and petitions–even beggings, seemed to hit that well-known stone wall. Don’t we all know that feeling? We cry with David, “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?”  And the answer does not come.

Many of us know about infertility, miscarriages, and even sadder things. My sorrow was infertility, doctor visits too numerous to mention,  hormone treatments…yielding nothing except four babies we never had the chance to meet. People tried to be helpful. Some were unintentionally cruel with thoughtless words. One year…Two years…Three years…..Six years…

All around me were women getting pregnant, wanting to be, not wanting to be. Joyful women. Complaining, grumbling women. Angry women.

“Why me? Why me?”, cried the faithless, ungrateful, thinking of myself more highly than I ought to think part of me. Like Rachel to Jacob, her husband, I felt like crying out to God, ‘Give me children or I die.’ I remember my dear husband gently taking me by the shoulders, looking me confidently and empathetically in my eyes and reminding me of God’s Sovereignty and His always goodness whether we had babies or not. God is in charge of the womb, he said. And God is good.

My sister, we all do know God is sovereign over all the events of our lives–not simply our joys, but over our losses, our sorrows, our pain, our desires, our suffering. In fact, James tells us to “count it all joy” when (not if) these trials enter our lives, for there is purpose in it, purpose for our good and for God’s glory…”knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect (spiritually mature) and complete, lacking nothing.”

These principles came alive during this stage in my life. II Corinthians 10:5 leapt off the pages of my Bible and into my faulty and anguished thinking. “Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”  My mind had been running to and fro with yearnings and envy and grumbling and disappointment. God brought me to my senses rather abruptly with His convicting Word. My mind, my thoughts needed to be harnessed, made captive, to true thoughts concerning God’s character, His love, His principles. He wanted my will to be brought under the authority of His will in all matters in that ‘glad surrender’ Elizabeth Elliot wrote about.

It was clear–again. Why am I so slow to learn, to remember His faithfulness, His trustworthiness?  Desire His desires above all else. It was not about me at all in the grand scheme. Whether He gave me a baby or not no longer mattered as much, reminiscent of my struggles with this very principle before marriage. My thoughts became focused on Christ and His desires for me to trust that He does all things well, no matter what that may be, whether or not I understand or like it.

And so I prayed, once again, from the depths of my soul, nothing held back,  “Oh God, may I desire you above all else. May I desire your glory to shine forth in my life with or without babies.” And, with an emotional shudder, I added, as sincerely as I could muster, “Please, my God, do not ever give me a child unless he would grow up to love you supremely.”

God indeed gives us perfect peace when our minds are stayed on Him, when we desire His will above our own. David tells us to “Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Many use this as a proof-text for  their theology of “God will give me want I want.” No, the Psalmist is telling us that if we truly delight ourselves in the Lord, He will plant His desires in our hearts.  We will want what He wants. Gone is the frustration and bargaining and dissatisfaction.  God’s will becomes more attractive to the soul than our own earthly demands with their imperfect motives.

God’s difficult mercy led to His gentle mercy. Jonathan Daniel, 31, walks with Christ and loves Him sincerely, telling and living the gospel before his own sons and daughter and a watching world.

Gladly surrendering, again,
Cherry

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Forgiven, Chiseled and Secure

Dearest Sister,

Do you ever struggle with a particular sin…over and over again…no seeming victory? Perhaps it’s an obsession or an unhealthy habit. Maybe it’s your tongue gossiping or showing disrespect…Or laziness, or being desensitized to unwholesome shows, or self-righteousness, or materialism, or prayerlessness, or pride…So much to repent of…Unrelenting disquiet in the soul…Embarrassment to come before the Father once more…Do I really belong to the Father?  How can I be that new creation, yet still sin so much? Like The Pilgrim in Bunyan’s  classic we come to Christ initially with that huge burden strapped to our backs, only to find it rolling down Calvary’s hill when the Spirit opens our spiritual eyes to understand and embrace the gospel, but it would appear we sometimes become uncomfortable without that familiar burden and we start rebuilding that unnecessary heaviness that Jesus has already and perpetually removed from us positionally. Yet, we encumber ourselves with wrong thinking, unhealthy and sinful behaviors. We live in defeat and fear, depression and anxiety. We sin those same sins over and over again wondering where the power for victory lies. We try and try and try. We become exhausted, afraid to go to the Father even though it is to Him we must go for relief and safety.

A prayer by one of the old Puritans says,

“I confess my sin, my frequent sin, my willful sin; all my powers of body and soul are defiled; a fountain of pollution is deep within my nature. There are chambers of foul images within my being; I have gone from one odious room to another, walked in a no-man’s-land of dangerous imaginations, pried into the secrets of my fallen nature. I am utterly ashamed that I am what I am in myself…” Paul speaks to this in Romans 7. He does what he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t do what he does want to do. The Puritan says, “Thou has struck a heavy blow at my pride, at the false god of self, and I lie in pieces before Thee. But Thou has given me another Master and Lord, Thy Son Jesus…” Paul says, “But I thank God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

Sister, being weighed down by your sin is good in-so-far that it causes you to turn from self and idolatry and to Jesus. Bear with me as I quote the finish of the Puritan’s prayer: “Save me from the…pride of life, from everything natural to fallen man, and let Christ’s nature be seen in me day by day.” Now, get a visual of this plea. “Grant me grace to bear Thy will without repining [fretting, being discontent], and delight to be [here it is!] not only chiseled, squared, or fashioned, but separated from the old rock where I have been embedded so long, and lifted from the quarry to the upper air, where I may be built in Christ for ever.” Did you see yourself being broken away from the rock, fully hewn into Christ’s sculpture, soaring free from the depths of imprisonment–made like Christ, being freed from besetting sins, slowly but surely?

Author Matt Papa says that we worship our way into sin and so we must worship our way out of it. We need a greater thrill (than the sin). We need a more captivating beauty. We must fix our gaze on Christ and His beauties rather than fixate on our sins. As we do this and are consumed by His excellencies we find ourselves being less and less attracted to the sin. I repeat Paul: “I thank God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

God, our gentle Father, likens Himself to a mother hen or bird securing her babies under her wings. He does this for His children where He protects us from the world and sin and Satan, even from ourselves. I often think of myself in that place of protection and have composed and prayed the following prayer as a result–a prayer of holy resignation, when I finally give up the struggle, trying to conquer sin by my own willpower and run to Him.

Father, I behold your mighty greatness in Your Word and in the remembrance of a myriad acts of mercy and faithfulness to me. I see you beckon me to Yourself. Sometimes I come haltingly, ashamed and afraid. Sometimes I come running with desperation, trembling.  Always I come,  casting myself at Your feet, grasping them and Your clean robes. And always, You lift me up and wrap your arms around my quivering self and clasp me under your sheltering wings–so safe–and the shaking stops. I peer out from that haven. The world is still roiling, but I am forgiven and secure.

Take heart!

With love,
Cherry

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The Nearness of Our Blessed Hope

My dear sister,

As I sit in the comfort of my home with my cup of coffee in hand, thinking of you and watching the news of the world, my heart wells up in gratitude to the Lord for our safety from violent persecutions simply because we profess to be Christ-followers. Certainly there have been times in my own life when my love for Jesus has caused discomfort in those who do not love Him, even scorn and disdain, but never to the point of physical harm or the State coming to take me away. I know that in our own USA there are those whose families have ostracized them, there are small businesses which have been shut down, there are lawsuits against organizations who refuse to compromise their core beliefs.  These are hurtful and serious situations, the outcome of many still unknown.  Our first amendment rights seem to be in jeopardy over various issues including homosexual ‘marriages’ abortion ‘rights’, and transgender ‘rights’. At present, none of these are resulting in torture and death to those in opposition, but they certainly are an oppression of serious noteworthiness…Which brings me back to the world news…

It is with horror that we hear of our brothers and sisters and children being beheaded, crucified, set on fire, or drowned. I do not mean to minimize in any way our own trials, diseases, disappointments, and deep losses of various kinds, but in our trials perspective is always beneficial.

I think of Hebrews 11 with its list of pilgrims and sufferers and martyrs. Though they had many promises of the coming of Christ, they never saw, here on earth, the fulfillment of those promises, yet “they all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth…Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection…of whom the world was not worthy.”

I think of the apostles, all put to death except the exiled, beloved John. I think of the believers through the centuries who suffered simply because they loved the Lord Jesus and would not deny their love. “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelation 12:11)

There are Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego–refusing to obey the Kings edicts, knowing death must follow, unless God… And Luther’s brave stand before the Diet of Worms. Get a copy of Foxe’s “Book of Martyrs”, read with horror and awe, and think long and hard about the test of faithfulness.

Sweet sister, when we get bogged down by the things in our own lives, let us ask God to remind us of the big old world out there filled with so much evil and imposed suffering and unimaginable abuse and persecution in the name of false gods against those who love our Lord Jesus.
Many of our brothers and sisters are experiencing sheer terror at this moment. They are despairing of life itself yet they are clinging to God, our Father. My heart cries out to Him on their behalf.

Pray with me.

O, our God, our hearts ache and cry out to You for all those in this world who are being or will be persecuted simply because they are faithful to Jesus Christ. Please prepare all of your children for a day of possible persecution by strengthening us in our trust in You, Your Word, and in Your goodness now, so that no matter what, we would remain faithful to You, by Your grace. May we all have “persecution grace” and not shrink from living boldly for Christ in every circumstance. In our own strength we would crumble. In Your strength we can do whatever You call us to do. May we have thoughts of those who have gone on before and be prepared to “leap for joy because great is our reward in heaven” (Luke 6:23) and “rejoice that we would be counted worthy to suffer shame for His name” (Acts 6:41 ).

For those who are suffering now, physically, emotionally, spiritually–for dear unknown friends– please sustain, lift up, surround, give courage, take away doubts, misgivings, wavering, fear and dread and terror…Comfort, build up, remind of Your goodness, Your love, Your nearness, Your face, Your heaven.  May there be rejoicing and songs of praise coming from their lips–for the joy set before them. Please remind them that their suffering brings great eternal reward. It is not in vain. Remind them that I Peter  1:6-7 tells them that their faithful response in their sufferings validates their faith in God “even though tested by fire” that it “may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” Remind them and us that the more we suffer for Him, the greater our capacity to glorify Him. That is a very great reward.

Lord Jesus, You who were persecuted and suffered–You who were tempted in all points as we are (yet without sin), please let your nearness be known to these precious children of Yours, keeping them faithful, not denying the Lord Who bought them, even in the face of death.

‘Thou art my protecting arm,
fortress, refuge, shield, buckler.
Fight for me and my foes must flee;
Uphold me and I cannot fall;
Strengthen me and I stand unmoved, unmovable,
Equip me and I shall receive no wound;
Stand by me and Satan will depart;
Anoint my lips with a song of salvation and I shall shout Thy victory.’ (From Valley of Vision)
Amen.

In the midst of all pain and suffering Jesus says, “Surely I am coming quickly.” He will make everything right. He will wipe away all tears. He will take away our anxieties and terrors and our sin forever.  Let us say with John,  “Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!”

Look up, my friend, He IS coming again.

Cherry

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Kicking and Submitting

Dearest Sister,

Did you ever think about the beauty of arranged marriages? Well, in theory, beautiful. Ponder this: Assurance of marriage, no dating frustrations, little chance of endless break-ups and loneliness and heartaches typical of the “going together” scene. Yes, he might not be your dream man, but a good mother and father know what is in your best interest, right?

Maybe you are in a time of despair about such things–or despair about whatever it is in your life in this span of time. Dating, not dating, miserable dating. Marriage, no marriage, divorce. Children, no children, rebellious children. Loss of health. Separation. Impending death of a loved one. Death. Missing. Loneliness. Most of us have experienced some of these, some have known them all. Some of us are clinging desperately to our God, others are unsure, finding it hard to trust, even bitter.

No chastening or trials are pleasant. If we could only reckon the truth of God’s Word to actually be true. These things are for our good. They yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness in our lives if we submit to the training.

I’m a slow learner in the things of Christ…my tendency is to impatience.
I want things to happen now, in my timing, according to my educated plans. Marriage at twenty one, house with wrap-around porch, sea breezes blowing gently on my face as I watch my four children, two boys, two girls, playing in the sand a few hundred feet from that porch. A happily-ever-after marriage, some nice vacations involving travel to exotic destinations, and a body free of disease would be nice too. However, my plans rarely materialize and the visual above is merely a lovely dream of my youth. But, dear sister, in hindsight, the training in righteousness has been so much better.

Indulge me while I tell you of my first big lesson in true submission to our Christ. It is the story of idolatry, the crashing of the idol, and the place of eventual blessing. Perhaps you will be encouraged as you see yourself, in a different situation, but the same God of patience and love and gentleness.

We met, Jim and I, dated, “fell in love” (albeit a mostly selfish love), and grew stagnant, with no real commitment. Months grew into years, seven years, to be exact and then God saved our souls and transformed our lives. It was a marvelous thing to behold as we thirstily learned of Him and His ways for our lives, as we learned to walk in childlike obedience. Two more years passed. I was desperate for marriage, he was not. I blamed him, he blamed no one. Then came the ultimatums, the pressures, the guilt trips. The breakup inevitably came. The wrenching heartache of loss was felt by both, but God was working His relentless work in our hearts. I was brought to my knees in repentance over many things, including the idolatry of wanting this man more than I wanted submission to the very real possibility that God did not want me to be married to this man, perhaps not to be married at all. In His grace and hard mercy at the time, I gave all my desires, all my desperation, all my dreams to Christ, trusting (as my pastor says) in His Face (Who He is), not His hands (what He can give me). The sadness and loss did not leave, but there was a release I had not known. I was no longer bound to a dream idol, an idol of earthly fulfillment, an idol of personal happiness. I was a woman of metaphorical unclean lips who had now known the hot coals upon my mouth in cleansing, and my heart was ready for a “Here am I, send me for whatever He purposed” moment. (Isaiah 6).

I’m reminded of dear old Abraham. His longing for the son of promise, the fruition of the promise, the seeming wrenching away of that boy. A.W. Tozer says it so poignantly: “God let the suffering old man go through with it up to the point where He knew there would be no retreat, and then forbade him to lay a hand on the boy. To the wondering patriarch He now says in effect, ‘It’s all right, Abraham. I never intended that you should actually slay the lad. I only wanted to remove him from the temple of your heart that I might reign unchallenged there…’

I’ve had other lessons in submission along the way, but like first love, this first lesson is most memorable. It made the next lessons a bit easier because of God’s faithfulness in the first. Never easy, always good, because God is always good.

No, God does not always give us what we think we want, but when we submit, He gives us Himself. He is our very great reward, not to be traded for any earthly passion. And sometimes, not always…but sometimes, He says, ‘I wanted to give him to you all along, but first I wanted your heart.’

And there you have it. That is how I eventually became Mrs. Jim Finamore.

Sister, give Him all of you. Surrender wholeheartedly. Be content with or without the desire. Be satisfied with Christ.

Submitting together to Him,
Cherry