Author: Colleen Craig

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Hope in the Forest of Life

My family has had many changes recently. Since November, we have flown to Ethiopia to bring back our 18 month old twins, said goodbye to sweet friends, packed up our lives and memories in Okinawa, Japan, flew from Seattle to Boulder to Virginia and then to Kentucky visiting friends and family, moved to Puerto Rico, and are still waiting for our household goods to land so we can move into our new home. We have lived out of 4 suitcases, 2 pack and plays, 3 car seats, and backpacks for the entire time. I’ve had shingles, we have all been sick in bed, and Barrett started his new job. I wish I could tell you we weathered all this with grace, joy, and peace while trusting in the Lord’s Providence, but that would be a lie.

I’ve been short and mean with my children, I haven’t loved my neighbor as myself and, worst of all, I did not enjoy my husband and kids…and sadly, this revealed that my hope and joy were dependent on them rather than Christ! But that is another lesson for another time.

Dear sister, your story might not look exactly like mine, but you know that you have a circumstance, relationship, or depression that has left you like me: crying out to God, begging Him to help because you hate living this hypocritical life of saying you trust Him in all things yet your life was far from showing it. Own it friend. Acknowledge the sin you are holding on to of unforgiveness, jealousy, control, anxiety, or pride that has produced its fruit in your difficult time, leaving you feeling like life is hopeless. Oh sweet sister, you need to acknowledge the weight of this sin. You need to grasp how any one of these sins can push your life into the path of hopelessness. Don’t be afraid; don’t look away. Because it’s right here, when our sin bears down so hard, that the grace Jesus won for you at the cross will restore your hope and lift up your head!

What is this grace? Grace is getting what you don’t deserve. It’s my husband buying me a cupcake on the way home when we still aren’t OK. It’s my kids waking up cheering after I blew up at them the night before. But ultimately, grace is Jesus taking my sins—trying to control my husband and kids, losing my patience, not being kind to my neighbor, being jealous of the life SHE has, and fearing that life isn’t working out the way I planned—and nailing it to the cross. He bore the weight of God’s wrath on Himself for me. For ugly, sometimes unrepentant me! And then, don’t miss this, and THEN, he gave me His righteousness. He made me perfect in God’s eyes. This is grace! When God sees me, He doesn’t see the sin that deserves his wrath, He sees His perfect son and accepts me.

This is our hope! This is the big picture we can’t forget while walking in the son-blocking path in the forest of life. This grace reminds us that we are forgiven and have the hope of heaven! We have Christ forever!

Please don’t misunderstand me that all hardship is caused by personal sin, yet His grace on us should still bring us hope. When everything falls down around us, we know that we are forgiven and righteous because of the grace of Christ. Oh Lord, as we meditate on your grace, may that give us hope in hard times and motivate us to give grace to others.

Your sister in Christ,

Colleen

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Have Courage? How?

Dear sisters,

Two young Marines in Okinawa, Japan were driving in a car this weekend when a blown tire changed their lives forever. The car lost control and the Marines were both severely injured and rushed to the Naval hospital, where my surgeon friend quickly operated on their broken bodies. She was up tirelessly with them for most of the weekend attending to their many serious injuries. One of the Marines sustained a brain injury that put him in a coma with his life precariously hanging in the balance. My friend lovingly faced this young man’s parents and told them of his dire state. She was expecting wailing, tears, and anger, yet what she received was a smile spread across his mom’s face and told my friend that it was going to be OK because God was in control. Then the mom quickly went to praying over her comatose son instead of weeping and asking why.

Oh my sisters, what a courageous response to a seemingly hopeless situation! How could this mother look the death of her son in the eye, then raise those eyes to her heavenly Father in faith of His sovereign control of this heart-wrenching event? There was no fear. She believed and acted on the truth her heart knew despite what consequences might lay ahead. What a picture of courage.

The bible is full of examples of courageous men and women who believed, lived, acted, and stood for the truth despite the personal consequences they might face: Abraham leaving his homeland, Moses’s exodus out of Egypt, Daniel not following the diet of his foreign captors, the prostitute hiding Joshua and the spies, Ruth staying with Naomi, Esther facing the tyrant King Ahasuerus, all the prophets, John the Baptist telling Herod he was sinning, and so many more! Yet the ultimate example of having courage in hopeless times is our Savior Jesus, who sweated blood in agony over the events to come that night, yet still he obeyed His Father, which cost Him His life and ultimately gave us ours. He rose again, defeating death and giving us the foundation of our faith. Our sins are forgiven when we trust in Christ. This life’s crushing fear is courageously washed away by the hope of the gospel!

But how does that work in my own life? I can look to this sweet mom as an example of courage for today. She showed courage during her seemingly hopeless time by not choosing fear, which is the opposite of courage. She chose to believe, live, act, and stand for the truth despite the personal consequences she might face: the death of her son.

Oh sister, learn the truth of the Word! Ground yourself in the knowledge of what you have in Christ. Learn the characteristics of God that never change. Let this knowledge lead you to courageously act when what you fear the most comes. Stand up for what you believe when others mock. Walk away when others are toeing the line of sin. Having courage in seemingly hopeless times is hard work, yet the Spirit will be there to give you what you don’t have on your own.

Oh Lord! Help us to be strong and courageous and not tremble and be dismayed as we live a life of your Truth.

Your sister in Christ,

Colleen

 

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Spirit-led Self-Control

Dear sisters,

We have recently adopted one-year-old, boy/girl twins from Ethiopia. The Lord gifted them to us on Thanksgiving Day and we brought them home to Okinawa just before Christmas. The next month we began the process of moving from Okinawa to Puerto Rico, our next duty station. This means that, while we are starting to create a new home for our babies, we’re also packing away the only home our biological daughter has ever known and saying goodbye to the friends who have supported us through many difficult periods in our lives. To say our marriage has been tested is too simple. To say the relationships with all of our kids have been strained at times is understated. And to say that our bodies have revolted against the stress is too modest. There are days when my husband and I say our kids hate us and other days when we don’t even like each other. Though these days have the hope of excitement and joy, often they also have a lining of darkness where we forget to tell ourselves the facts of our faith and instead live in the rawness of our explosive emotions. It is easier for me to sink into the darkness of my soul, than to control my thoughts and actions under the truth of the gospel. Lets face it, sometimes we long for the indulgence of a good pity party rather than capturing our thoughts with the help of the Spirit to give us hope through the dark times.

If you’re thinking, “I don’t even know what that would look like?” believe me, I understand. It’s a lot easier for me to tell you what it looks like when I don’t use self-control and selflessness that is fueled by the Spirit. I get overwhelmed with kids crying and whining and instead of taking a step back, breathing, and reminding myself of their age and stage, I scream back at them. Instead of hearing my husband out as he makes a simple suggestion, I cut him off and let my face fall while telling him why his suggestion won’t work. I dwell on what is wrong, bad, or difficult in my life instead of telling myself the character and promises of God that have been given to me in Christ.

But I’ve also been given hope through glimpses of Spirit-led self-control in dark times. What does that look like? It’s taking thoughts captive in dark times through self-control and selflessness. It’s way easier to spiral down into a “woe is me” attitude than to control my thoughts and captivate them with Christ. If I do take the time to have self-control, I can train my heart and soul to remember that God is sovereign and in control of all things. Sadly, it’s often easier for me to think that no one understands my situation than to remember that I have a Savior who understands all pains and hurts because He has been there too.

So in the dark and tumultuous times of flux, change, and unknown, I need to find my hope by controlling my thoughts and actions. To step away from emotional screams of the moment and remind myself of the truth of my good, sovereign, and kind God that works for my good. I can have patience because the Father has infinite patience with me. I can show kindness when its not deserved because Christ did that for me. I can give underserved grace because I have been given immeasurable grace in Christ. I have been adopted in Christ. I have the inheritance of heaven. I am forgiven as far as the east is from the west. All these truths are what I need to stop and choose to remember. This takes Spirit given self-control. Yes, it’s work. Yes, I fail at doing this myself. Oh Lord, help us to grow in this each day.

Your sister in Christ,
Colleen

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Joy in Dark Times

Dear sister,

One of our homeschool mom’s stood in front of our group with tears in her eyes as she recounted her time spent comforting her friend whose husband was killed in a helicopter crash off the shores of Hawaii. She described how his extra boots stood watch at the door and how the mechanical smell of the uniforms he left behind laced the house. The widow and her four children grieved deeply, asked why loudly, and some became silent as they turned inward sadly. They were used to having him absent for long spells, but contemplating him never coming home tore their hearts.

Two days later, I listened to an Indian women give her testimony of how her husband broke her neck and spine, smashed her head on railroad tracks, and pulled her sari so hard it stripped her naked in the streets. She managed to run away only to face the condemnation from women who told her she should have stayed with her husband. She told of her reoccurring blackouts as a result of years of beatings and how she was threatened by the mafia to stop trying to free their slave labor children or else.

Both women cried out to God saying that He must have made a mistake! How could this God they loved, allow this guttural sorrow and pain to his child and then say He is the comforter of the widow, father to the fatherless, and head lifter of the broken? As they were sharing this part of the story, through their tears something remarkable appeared: A smile. Not one that declared madness or hilarity, but one that revealed the hope they had that the scripture was true and their hope secure in Christ. This God declares that He will bind up the brokenhearted, never leave or forsake His children, is able to catch all the burdens we throw at Him, and wipes all our tears away forever. The widow clings to the knowledge that she will dance with her husband again in heaven while the abused knows vengeance is the Lord’s. Because of this, she now rescues those from the slavery and bondage she knew well.

After hearing the testimony of the widow’s friend, my daughter declared she wanted to watch “Inside Out”. As I saw Joy and Sadness try and help Riley out of her newfound pain, I realized the cartoon explained to me something simple: sometimes we need sadness to bring joy. We do not realize the pain of sorrow often alerts us (and others) of our need for encouragement and help. Our emotional marbles cannot be parsed. They are not simply red, blue, yellow, green, or purple. They are often mixed. These women experienced this in their own lives; the body of Christ came in their deepest need to sit, listen, pray, and be the hope they needed when they had little. And joy came in the morning.

Now what does this all mean for us sisters? Oh sister, there can be joy in the sorrow when our faith is grounded on the foundation of the Word. The Bible’s narrative is true. There is sin in the world and bad things happen because of the curse of Eden. This world will never be perfect again until Christ returns and takes us home (which is our Blessed Hope). Yet, from the beginning, God promised a deliverer and rescuer to come to save those who trust in Him. The Old Testament points to the coming One, the gospels reveal this Messiah, while the Letters tell us how to live in light of what Christ did on the cross. Christ endured the suffering of the cross for the joy of our salvation. He is our example of going through pain with a solid, sturdy, joy of trusting and obeying His Father. He had joy in His suffering.

What about us sisters? What are we grounded in? Will we have joy when sorrow and pain knock us off our feet? Will this deep joy come from our knowledge of the Word and it’s hope of a Savior? The assured hope that we serve a Savior that was abandoned, spat on, hated, and cursed, yet trusted that His Father had Him and would never forsake Him? That He found joy in the trial of even death itself? Like these sweet, broken women, feed yourself on the truth of the Word so when storms rage, you too can break into a confident smile because you are loved, will never be forsaken, and that joy comes in the morning because his mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is great.  Our hope comes with joy!

Joyfully Yours,

Colleen

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Hope Through Love

Dear sister,

I didn’t think it would be like this. Me sitting on the kitchen floor, head in my hands, and tears filling them up while my 4 ½ year old sits on her bed in timeout, my 19-month old girl is in timeout in her crib (screaming) for refusing to pick up her socks she threw down, and my 19-month old boy crying because he doesn’t want to play. Maybe if this was the first time an episode like this had happened it would be different, but this was the latest in a line of defiance by one or all of them. Let me fill you in a little bit, friend.

We have waited 4 years to finally be paired with boy/girl twins, less than two years old, from Ethiopia. God, our Creator, answered this prayer for our family with (the impossible according to human government and agencies) 18-month boy/girl twins. Yet here they are, fully Craigs now, adopted by us on Thanksgiving Day! They were brought to their forever home a week before Christmas. Although we have longed for this day for years, they have been shaken out of all they have ever known. They have been dropped into our culture, climate, and conversations with no warnings or expectations. Yet, I expected them to bond quickly and to love learning their new environment. That has not been the case. Food is refused, fits are thrown, and cries are constant refrains. My heart aches. I lost site of God’s sweet answer of years of prayers and my thankfulness waned as my guilt rose for this loss of gratitude.

In the midst of this, my oldest refuses to do her 30 minute school work each day and has learned to tell us “No! I don’t love you!” Awesome (said with sarcasm of course). And finally, we are moving from our home of 5 years in Okinawa, Japan to Puerto Rico in less than two months. This is the longest place I have lived since high school. My husband and I have fought and said hurtful things to each other in this adjustment and I have gotten shingles where the sun doesn’t shine, ringworm, and some other unknown rash.

So there I was on the kitchen floor just hours before writing this. Where is my hope in this dark time? What can encourage my sad and broken soul that aches for sin to be eradicated in my own life and my kids? I needed a lifeline. I contacted my faithful friend who reminded me that Satan is a jerk and he is defeated and I don’t need to listen to his lies. My heavenly Father adopted me out of His abounding love when I willingly disobeyed him defiantly. Jesus became fully man to take on my blatant defiance, disobedience, and lying and then died for it. Died for it! He loved me so much; He died for my screaming defiance and hatred of Him. How can I not love and forgive my kids when their account is so small? How can I not love my husband when he hurts me, when I hurt the Creator of the Universe with my words and deeds every day? And then Jesus conquered death! He rose again, dusted off my sin that covered me and clothed me with His righteousness. Now I am right before God because of the Father’s abounding love of me. The guilt I feel for not being good enough, thankful enough, or loving enough is true! I could never be good enough…which is why Jesus’ love at the cross is so sweet, and the hope that it provides is so immense.

Phew. I needed that. My tears are still close to my eyes, but I can face this next minute knowing I am forgiven and right before God. I can love my kids and husband because I have been chosen and adopted with all the rights of my daddy. I can rest knowing that God loves me first and has cast judgment of my sin into the depths of the sea the moment I trusted Christ. Thank you Jesus for your abounding love! Spirit, help me remember this truth when I don’t feel it.