The Anger Problem

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” – Proverbs 16:32

My Dearest Sister,

I want you to think back to the last time someone wronged you. Maybe it was a mistake and they apologized immediately afterward. Even worse, maybe they did it on purpose as an attack. Or maybe they never even knew how their words or actions affected you. The point is, we’ve all been there. Someone sins against us, whether deliberately or not, and we are left in a tangle of emotions. I’m not sure about you, but I know for me, my initial response is to be angry with them. Sometimes it feels like something I can’t even control, just a split-second emotional reaction. Sometimes I will verbalize this anger, either to the person who hurt me, or in venting to someone about them; but most of the time I have a tendency to say nothing and just silently hold that anger against them. Neither of these, of course, is an ideal response. The first only makes the situation worse; “A harsh word stirs up anger,” remember (see Proverbs 15:1)? The second is the perfect setup for bitterness and an unforgiving spirit, which can actually hinder our own walk with God (Matthew 6:14-15; Isaiah 59:2). So what then, should our response be when confronted with our own feelings of anger toward someone?

Before I answer that question, I want to back up and explore the nature of anger for just a minute. First off, nowhere in scripture do we find that anger in and of itself is a bad thing. For there is such a thing as righteous anger, like when God was angry at the Israelites for their disobedience in the wilderness. So if anger is not necessarily wrong, why are we as followers of Christ so cautioned against it? Because, my sister, anger opens the door to a multitude of other sins. Remember the words of Ephesians 4:26-27: “’Be angry and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Left unchecked, anger can actually provide a foothold in your life to Satan. You see, anger is the driving force behind so many sinful thoughts and actions; things such as covetousness, adultery, un-submissiveness, taking the Lord’s name in vain, dishonoring our parents, and a judgmental spirit can all stem from an anger problem. In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus even tells us that being unjustly angry at someone is just as bad as murdering them. Yikes! In short, anger can have serious consequences and is not something to be taken lightly.

That still leaves us with a delimma though. As humans, we are emotional beings. God made us as such and it is in His image that He did so, for we know from scripture that God has emotions, too. He can be angry, joyful, grieved, pleased, jealous, and compassionate. It’s no wonder He understands us so well! Now, emotions are not a bad thing either. Many times they help us do wonderful things, like care for those around us and show Christ’s love. The problem happens when we try to live by those emotions. Emotions can be very unstable and doing something based solely on what we’re feeling, not necessarily on what is right, gets us into trouble sometimes. And because our emotions are so hard-wired into us, ‘ruling our spirits’ is not an easy task by any means. That is why someone who does is better than a mighty conqueror.

So what do we do then, when we are confronted with our own anger? If we can’t unleash it on anyone else and we can’t keep it to ourselves to hold until later, where do we put it? Ephesians 4:31-32 provides an answer: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil-speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” We are called to put it far, far away from us and instead be kind and forgiving to the person who wronged us, even if they don’t deserve it. For how can we honestly stay angry at someone when God, who has every right to be angry at us for all of the foolish, sinful things we do, doesn’t hold it against us? He has turned His anger away from us so many times that we can’t even keep track. He could so easily have destroyed the whole world because of its sin against Him, yet in His compassion and lovingkindness He didn’t. He chose instead to save them from eternal damnation. In comparison, what little is really asked of us?

My dear friend, if you are struggling today with your own anger toward someone, I want to encourage you to give it up to God right now. I know what you may be thinking: it hurts to let it go. You want to hold on to it so tightly because if you don’t, then it’s like they are getting away with whatever they did to you. I promise you that is not the case. Everyone will eventually be judged for their own sins and the Lord will avenge His own. It may also be hard to let it go because sometimes it’s humiliating. It feels like you are letting someone walk all over you. To be honest, putting anger away from you does require a bit of humility. We have to let go of our pride and do what we know is right. But I also promise you, that kind of self-control will not go unseen or unrewarded.

It’s definitely not easy, otherwise it wouldn’t be such an issue for us, but my challenge to you, and to myself as well, is this: Will we be weak and let our anger control what we do? Or will we be better than mighty conquerors and rule over our anger, putting it away from us? One choice is easy and the other is hard, but it is nevertheless, ours to make.

Your Emotional Sister in Christ,
– Lauren Titcomb